Chapter 7

“My name is Mark Anthony Patrick Owen, I was born in Oldham, Lancashire England, I am part of a popular boy band called… Kick It? Are you sure it’s a boy band I’m in? I got this feeling I was in football.” Mark’s face was contorted with concentration and he laid back against the pillows in exasperation. It was no good, he remembered who he was and roughly his early life, but this band thing, he didn’t remember anything about a band.

“Your band is called Take That and yes I am sure you’re in a band, my wife is a fan.” The Doctor smiled at him. Mark had spent the week in hospital, although they’d moved him out of intensive care. It was during the night that he suffered the most, he had awful dreams of his car flying off the road and he would wake feeling like his chest was being crushed.

Mark closed his eyes. God he was tired, he was tired a lot recently. The Doctor said it was good for him to sleep, because he remembered things whilst he was sleeping. He remembered his name, he remembered his accident and he remembered the blonde man. Night after night he would dream about the blonde man telling him over and over there was something he needed to say. Mark was sure there was something he needed to say as well but no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many flow diagrams he tried to draw to help jog his memory he could not for the life of him remember what it was.

He looked down at the drawing pad that had been given to him earlier, he was told to draw the first things that came to mind. On the pad he had drawn a clown on a tricycle, a globe next to a woman and he had written the words - All that I needed you gave me, All that I wanted you made me, When I stumbled, you saved me… He turned the words over and over in his mind; he could smell tea when he read them.

“This clown you’ve drawn, why did you draw him?” The Doctor asked.

Mark studied the clown on the tricycle, he could hear whoops and cheers when he looked at him.

“He seemed right, like I know that clown and I was a clown once too.” Mark said slowly.

The Doctor nodded happily. “Very good, I think that will do for today, perhaps your friends will be visiting.”

Did he mean the blonde man? Was the blonde man his friend? He was certainly something. Mark placed the drawing pad on the small table by his bed. He wondered why they just didn’t show him pictures of his life to see if that jogged his memory, when he had queried this to the doctor, he had simply replied that it had a tendency to be too much for some people seeing pictures of a life they didn’t remember, sent some people insane.

Mark grabbed his drawing pad as something new flushed his memory. He drew a big star and wrote underneath – You’re such a big star to me… your every Shine I want to be.

***
Jason was reading when Howard got home. They had been to see Mark in the morning. He seemed a little better, recognizing Jason and Howard from the days they had visited before. Gary hadn’t been there and when Howard had asked the Doctor had confirmed that he hadn’t been in yet. Howard would only start to worry if he didn’t go in at all.

Gary went in everyday without fail but never for very long, he spoke to the Doctor often only stopping to peer in at Mark and then left. Jason said they should just let him do what he wants and not ask him about it. Gary wasn’t one for opening up about his feelings.

“Gaz still hasn’t been in.” Howard said putting the milk he’s picked up on the way home in the fridge.

Jason looked up. “He will be, perhaps he’s just late, I rang him earlier and he was collecting all his writing books, he was hoping showing Mark some of the frameworks of our songs might help him.”

Howard sat down in the armchair opposite Jason. “I’m worried about him, he doesn’t say anything about whats going on for him, aren’t you worried just one day he’s just going to go insane?”

Jason put his book down. In complete truth, yes, yes he was worried that Gary was going to loose it. But he certainly wasn’t going to say that to Howard who was a terrible worrier without having his concerns confirmed. Jason was not a worrier by nature and he wondered if that was why Howard and himself got on so well. Howard would get caught up in the little things and Jason was always there to help him out of his problems.

“No, Gary will sort himself out, he always has, he’s got that determined look in his eye.” Jason said.

“Maybe we should take him out tonight or something.” Howard said staring out of the window.

Jason sighed. He was worried about Gary and he did care about Mark, of course he did, but what with all the commotion around it he had hardly seen Howard properly or had a second alone with him. It’s strange to miss someone who is sat right in front of you.

“I was hoping me and you could spend some time together tonight.” Jason said hopefully.

Howard dragged his eyes from the window to look at him.

“We haven’t had five minutes together since the accident.” Jason said.

“We’re together now.” Howard said folding his hands together.

Jason folded his arms. “Fine, never mind.”

Yes he loved Howard but damnit he drove him crazy sometimes. He picked up his book indignantly, making sure Howard was fully aware that he was going to be sulking for the rest of the evening.

“No, Jay that’s not what I meant.” Howard said standing up. “We don’t have to go out tonight.” Leaning down Howard kissed Jay on the mouth and then standing back up again he made his way back into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Jason looked after him, smiling. He knew Howard wouldn’t be able to leave him sulking for long.

***
Robbie stood under his shower, letting the water run over him, warming him. Rubbing his eyes he sighed. What was going on with him? Christ he didn’t even know. Everything with Kate was so complicated… but good complicated; he didn’t know how to describe it. He didn’t know why he felt like he did. He was Robbie Fucking Williams and here he was confused about a girl! Robbie Williams! He couldn’t talk to the boys about it; they were all too wrapped up with everything that was going on with Mark.

Taking the soap he massaged it through his hair and washed it off. Showers were the perfect place to contemplate things, no interruptions, the doors locked, he could think whatever he wanted, he could sort stuff out in the privacy of-

“Robbie!” Vicky exclaimed from the bathroom a smile across her face.

Jumping half a mile in the air Robbie hastened to cover himself.

“Vicky! Get out of my bathroom!”

Vicky waved her hand. “Don’t be silly, I’ve seen you naked plenty of times, look I’ve come to talk to you.”

Robbie stared at her. Had the girl completely lost it?

“Are you crazy? And when, when have you seen me naked?”

Vicky rolled her eyes. “Your not exactly reserved sweetheart, who’s this.” Vicky began lumbering around the bathroom in a loose impression of Robbie. “Oh I am Robbie Williams and I am just going to wander around naked at Markies 35th birthday party because I am soooo relaxed.”

“It was a pool party.” Robbie protested.

“Exactly! NORMAL people wore swimsuits.” Vicky waved her hands again. “Getting off the point, I’ve come to talk to you about Kate.”

Robbie relaxed, a smile spreading across his face.

“I don’t want you to break her heart, she is the sanest person you have ever dated and I want you to stick with it.” Vicky said indignantly folding her arms. “And I am going to go now but that is what I want you to know, break her heart and I’ll break… I’ll break your dogs.” And with that she left.

Robbie stared after her. Women, they had to be admired. Why they were not running the world Robbie did not know, they were perfect, ballsy, mind readers, always knew what to say and never too power hungry. He suspected they were all in hiding ready to jump out and take over the second they spotted weakness in the rule of men. Vicky was right though. He didn’t want to break Kate’s heart, he hadn’t felt this way about anyone before and he was damned if he was going to loose it.

Perhaps he should be a little more loving towards her. He had always struggled with the sentimental stuff. He could write sentimental songs but when it came to getting down on one knee underneath someone’s balcony Robbie didn’t have a clue what to say. Maybe he’d be able to catch Gaz soon and ask him, Gaz would know what to say. Gaz was good at that kind of stuff. Except of course when it came to telling Mark he loved him but that was another ballpark.

Stepping out the shower, Robbie wrapped a towel around his hips and reached for his phone.

***

Mark was still concentrating on his drawing pad when Georgia, his evening nurse came in to check his machines. She was humming when she walked in, smiling at him as she did.

Mark’s pen stopped in its tracks. The song… the song Georgia was humming reminded him of something. He listened more intently. His mind filled with a picture of a ginger woman and people dancing… and Mark was there wearing some hideous looking crop top.

“What are you humming?” Mark demanded.

Georgia stopped what she was doing and looked embarrassed. “Oops I am sorry, I just always get this song stuck in my head when I see you.”

“Because its my song… from my band… My Fire Is Burning? Burnt Out My Fire? Relight My Love?” Marks fists balled. He knew that song, he knew its name, he took a deep breath.

“Relight My Fire.” Mark and Georgia said at the same time.

Georgia smiled. “Its coming back isn’t it? The doctor said it would, there’s a lot of people waiting for you Mark.”

Mark smiled back at her, the words of the song coming back to him now. The tune… everything, he remembered that song, it was just as he was congratulating himself on this that the blonde haired man appeared at the door, two women stood at his side.

Georgia smiled at them. “Afternoon Mr. Barlow, Marks just remembering some of your golden oldies.”

Gary was pleased. He could certainly see part of Marks memory coming back, little by little each day and every little memory that came back Gary felt a little bit more happy.

“Okay.” Gary said, Mark watched the determination in his eyes. “This is Elena and this is Chloe, you worked with both of them during our tours.”

Elena smiled at him and Chloe gave him a little wave. Mark picked up his drawing pad and looked from Elena to the pad. The woman he had drawn next to the world looked like her.

“Beautiful World.” He muttered.

Elena clapped. “Yes! Oh Markie so glad your recovering.”

Mark smiled. The girls left minutes later and so did Georgia after chatting briefly with Gary. Gary took his usual seat next to Mark. Mark studied his face in silence. He knew this man; Mark knew this man was important to him.
Gary returned Mark’s gaze, something had changed these past few days in his eyes. Instead of looking blank and confused it was like they were finally connecting the dots of the life he had lived. The space between them felt awkward but Gary ignored it.
Mark felt good, Georgia had even mentioned letting him go home soon. He would need to be watched for a while and she suggested he stay with a friend. He wouldn’t be out of his leg casts for a while so he’d need a wheelchair. But best of all Mark didn’t feel scared anymore. This man, this man sat before him had worked tirelessly to help him remember and Mark didn’t know how to thank him enough. He ran over the accident in his head. He remembered being at this mans house, he remember looking at the words of the song on the paper and he remembered spilling his tea. Then… then Mark remembered anger and rejection. Why had he felt like that the night his car had spun off the road?

“You were angry at me.” Gary said as if reading his mind.

Mark nodded. “You rejected me.” He said, although he didn’t quite understand what he meant.

Gary looked confused. Rejected him? When had Gary rejected Mark? Gary could not remember saying such a thing; he would never reject Mark that’s ridiculous.

“I rejected you?” He questioned.

Mark concentrated. “I wanted to tell you something important but I was worried you would reject me and… then you called me your mate.”

Gary stared at him. What in God’s name was he going on about? It wasn’t Mark who had wanted to tell Gary something; Gary had wanted to tell Mark something. Gary had feared rejection. Gary’s head almost spun with how confused he was. When he looked back at Mark it was to find that he had gone completely red in the face.

“Mark?” Gary said his eyes widening in surprise.

“I remember.” Mark said breathlessly. “I remember what I needed to tell you.”

Gary moved his chair forward, fearing the worst. Gary thought Mark had remembered how Gary had left him to drive in the snow alone. Mark was going to say how much he hated him wasn’t he. Gary knew it, he knew it. Gary pressed his lips into a thin line preparing himself for heartbreak.

“I don’t know why I am telling you this but I need to.” Mark said. “I need to tell you to help me… because I nearly died out there, I nearly died before I had the chance to tell you and I can’t let that happen again.”

Gary swallowed. He understood, Mark needed to get his anger out, which was fine. Gary would be fine. He’d finally be able to move on, he’d finally be able to let go. But God it was going to hurt. It was going to hurt more than all the rejection he had received in the past, it was going to hurt more than being dropped from his label, it was going to hurt more than knowing no one wanted to hear his music anymore. This was going to kill him inside but Gary knew he could handle it. He was good at keeping his emotions inside, he could fake a smile and he could fake that he was totally fine with everything.

Mark looked at the man sat before him, worry creasing his face. Mark could hardly believe the words that were about to come out of his mouth. Perhaps he was delusional after his accident… but no this felt right. This was it, this was whom he was and always had meant to say this too. He knew he was right. He didn’t know how he knew but he did. Mark felt a little lightheaded but he pushed that aside.

“I love you.”