The evening was cold but Mark didn’t care. He sat outside and stared into the darkness that surrounded him. He was back in his home. After a check up the Doctor confirmed he was okay to live alone again and he was only confined to crutches now. His legs were healing faster than the doctors had ever seen, the metal plates they had had to insert into his right knee had left a big scar but Mark didn’t mind to much. He was alive and that was all that mattered to him.
An owl sounded in the distance and Mark took a deep intake of breath. To think that he had almost lost it all, to think that he was minutes away from drawing his final breath shook Mark to his very soul. He wasn’t going to take anything for granted anymore because it was true; no matter who you were you were not invincible. Like any other person Mark had truly believed he was going to live forever, that no accident could touch him because accidents happened to other people but not to him. Yet here he was, the survivor of an accident and all because he had been too stupid to even think about the ice on the roads. What if there had been another car involved? What if the people in that other car weren’t so lucky and had died?
Mark closed his eyes briefly. He had come dangerously close to dying without ever telling the man he loved how he felt. What would have happened if he hadn’t been involved in the accident? Would he of spent the rest of his years never telling Gary how he felt? Never knowing how Gary felt? You have got to live life how you want to live it. You have got to seize the moments even if they result in pain, because most of the time they just result in the mind numbing happiness that Mark felt right now.
He was in love. He was a fool in love. He wanted to be a fool in love, because that’s better than being a fool who never knew how the other person felt.
Of course all was not perfect, it rarely is, Mark’s legs were still confined to casts and would be for another 3 weeks, which prevented them from getting truly intimate with each other. Which, Mark wasn’t going to lie was driving him completely insane and the fact that the stitches in his stomach and chest screamed blue murder every time he even tried to do anything physical was causing him a lot of frustration. Mark wasn’t a sitting around kind of guy, he was an outdoorsman, he liked walking dogs and running in the morning, he was not enjoying having to spend his days sat around. Gary had to force him to stay still during the day so instead of going out they spent most of their time watching films that Mark had shocked Gary by saying he had never seen. Half the films Mark hadn’t even heard of let alone seen them. Although Mark had balked at the idea at first he had to admit the films were not all that bad. He had even enjoyed watching Love Actually, a film Gary had had to physically bind him to the sofa to watch and yet by the end he was hoping they would all get together and be happy. And although he will never, ever, ever, admit it he was fairly sure he had a little tear in his eye when they played ‘All You Need Is Love’ at Kiera Knightly’s wedding. The official reason was that a bug had flown into his eye but Gary had near doubled over laughing when he’d caught Mark sniffling away.
Mark smiled to himself and checked his watch. Gary would be over any minute with some film called ‘Chocolat’, another one Mark had never heard of but Gary insisted was one of the most beautiful love stories of all time. Although Mark had also picked up the entire season five of ‘The Wire’ which he was going to force Gary to watch.
Even though Gary had protested, saying you cannot watch ‘The Wire’ on valentines day Mark had kindly informed him that as beautiful as all these love movies were if he didn’t watch something else he was going to slit his wrists. In return Mark had promised to wear a short-sleeved t-shirt, on Gary’s request. Mark wasn’t entirely sure what the allure of him wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt was but whatever.
The sound of his door opening and closing woke Mark from his thoughts.
“I got you a valentines gift.” Mark said without turning around. “Its on the side.”
“Its not Gary.” Vicky said quietly.
Mark turned around in his chair. “Vicky? Hey, what are you doing here?”
Vicky took the seat opposite him. “I just… I needed someone to talk to, are you free?”
Concern caused Mark to furrow his brow. “Of course, whats wrong?” He leaned forward and took one of her hands in his.
Vicky looked at him and squeezed his fingers. Mark was always there when you needed him, even if it was Valentines Day and he should be with Gary.
“I don’t want to talk about the details but… I lost someone close to me today… I just didn’t know who else to go to.” Vicky said quietly. “I don’t mean to ruin your valentines day.”
Mark waved his other hand. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m always here for you, I mean it Vicky, you are never, ever alone okay?”
Vicky nodded, dabbing a well-worn looking tissue against her eyes. “Why isn’t Gary here?”
“He’s on his way, probably too weighed down by all the romcoms he is forcing me to watch.” Mark smiled.
Vicky let out a short laugh and Mark drew her into a hug.
“Life is hard sometimes, we love and we loose but even when we think that we are alone and have no one to talk to, it’s a lie, because we always have people who care about us.” Mark said, stroking Vicky’s back.
Vicky let her head drop against his shoulder and closed her eyes. The pain numbed inside her, Mark was right, she wasn’t alone in this and she knew that. Mark stroked her hair and they stayed like that for a while, it was nice to know someone was always there for you. Vicky supposed Valentines Day didn’t have to just be about lovers, it was about the people you loved in general.
The door sounded again.
“Mark?” Gary’s voice trailed outside. “Mark?”
“We’re out here.” Mark called.
“We?” Gary said again, his voice getting closer.
“Hi Gaz.” Vicky called.
Gary appeared at the doorway, a collection of DVD’s underneath one arm and a present under the other.
“Hey Vicky.” Gary smiled. “Whats up?”
“Nothing.” Vicky smiled, getting up. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”
Mark held onto her hand. “Are you sure? You can stay if you need to.”
Vicky leaned down and kissed him on the head. “Nah, I’ll be okay, thanks though.”
After hugging Gary, Vicky left, feeling better than she had before and phone in hand decided to call everyone she loved and just… just let them know that she cared about them.
Gary followed Mark back into his lounge and they settled on the sofa together. Leaning over him Gary kissed Mark.
“Happy valentines day.” He said, grinning.
Mark grinned back and kissed him again. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Gary said. “I really, really do.”
Mark smiled again. This was what valentines day was meant to be, it didn’t matter where you were, it mattered who you were with, Mark couldn’t think of a single other person he would of rather been with on that sofa than the man he had been in love with for so long.
Gary settled back against the sofa. He could hardly believe that he was here. He had spent so many valentines days all by himself and now here he was, in love and happy. It wouldn’t be easy; he knew that, relationships are never easy. It would be the toughest journey he had ever been on, they would fight with each other, there would be times when they would believe that all was lost but more than that there would be times like this when Gary would look at Mark and he would never forget how close he had been to loosing him. Sure they would argue but Gary didn’t care, he knew he would always love Mark, no matter what, that’s just the way it was, the way it were, the way it will be.
***
Howard adjusted his tie and looked around the room. He had set up candles at every corner, soft music was playing and he had even picked up Jason’s favorite Chinese food. He wished he didn’t sweat so much when he was nervous, but god he just needed for this to go right, he wanted everything to be perfect.
Jason would be home any minute he knew that. He paced around the room, the whole thing seemed rather silly, perhaps it was too soon. Perhaps the candles were too cheesy; perhaps Jason wouldn’t like the music. Howard sat down, forcing himself to take deep breaths.
“It’s going to be fine, Jason loves you, its fine.” He said out loud to himself and instantly felt like an idiot. Oh, so he was talking to himself now? Had he truly gone insane? My God, where was Jason, why was he so late? Then it hit him. An affair. Of course, Jason was having an affair, that was the only logical conclusion, Howard thought, I mean Jason was an entire five minutes late and that could surely only mean one thing.
Oh God, Howard couldn’t believe Jason would do such a thing to him. The key sounded in the lock. That was it; Howard would just have to confront him about it. Standing up he readied himself.
“I’m home.” Jason called as he walked into the lounge.
“Who is he?” Howard demanded.
Jason looked behind him. “Pardon?”
“The person you are having an affair with behind my back.”
Jason dropped the bag from his hand and laughed. “Have you gone mad? Why on earth would I be having an affair?”
Howard opened his mouth… and closed it again. Good God he was nervous, he had gone mad with nerves, had he really just accused Jason of having an affair? Oh bloody hell.
“Sorry.” Howard said. Well that was that he had already ruined what was meant to be the perfect proposal.
“Are you okay?” Jason said, eyebrow raised.
Howard knew he would hate himself if he didn’t do it now. He just had to dive in the deep end and go for it. You only live once right? Howard was absolutely damned sure there was no other person on God’s earth he wanted to be with and he wanted everyone to know that. He wanted to celebrate his love with Jason because it was important to him.
“Sorry.” He said again. “I guess I am just nervous.” He took a step forward.
Jason looked confused. “Nervous? What are you nervous for?”
This was it. This was the moment. Howard took a deep breath and dropped to one knee. Jason’s eyes widened.
“Jason Thomas Orange… I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else, I love everything about you and I promise to love you forever even when you wear track suit bottoms to bed, even when you finish the last chocolate Gu pot and even when you force me to watch Strictly Come Dancing… I know that we wont be able to have a traditional marriage but I want to celebrate how much I love you with the people that we love together, I want to know that you will always be mine and you’ll never leave me because I am nothing without you, I need you in my life, always and forever… so here I am one fool in a tux asking you… will you marry me?”
Jason stared at the man knelt before him unable to quite believe what had just happened. Sure, he had known that no one made him feel the way Howard did but he hadn’t expected Howard would ever want to settle down and least of all with him. His heart hammered in his chest so hard he was sure it was going to explode.
“Of course I will.” He spluttered, hardly able to get the words out of his mouth early enough. “You may be a big fool in a tux and you may sometimes wear pairs of underwear twice and you may blame me for eating the last Gu pot of chocolate when you know it was you who ate it, but you’re my fool in a tux and I love you.” Jason grinned.
Howard stood up and kissed Jason on the mouth. He hadn’t known happiness like that of which he felt now. He had the man he loved more than anything in the world, and they were going to be together forever, Howard knew that.
“And also.” Jason said between kisses. “I threw out my track suit bottoms.” He winked. “Happy valentines day!”
Howard laughed.
“Hey you two, have you still got your tongues in each others mouths or can we come in yet?” Kennedy shouted from behind the kitchen door causing both men to jump half a mile.
“Yeah seriously guys.” Chloe said. “We brought champagne!”
The door burst open and Kennedy, Chloe, Laura, Em, Vicky, Sue and Elena flooded into the room. Dragging both Howard and Jason into a group hug they all grinned.
“Congratulations you guys!” Em said.
Jason stared at them all. “How on earth did you get in our kitchen?”
Laura shrugged. “Back window, what did you think we were going to miss you guys getting engaged?”
Howard grinned at Jason and Jason grinned back. Howard had been wrong. He hadn’t ruined the proposal, this was the perfect proposal.
“I love you.” Jason mouthed amidst the squealing girls who were calling all their friends to tell them the good news.
“I love you too.” Howard mouthed back.
Because in the end it doesn’t have to be right to be perfect. As Howard and Jason celebrated their engagement, Gary and Mark fell asleep together in front of the fire and Robbie and Kate enjoyed a meal out they all knew one thing, never ever let someone you love pass you by. Never ever let someone you love go without knowing that you love them or you will regret it for the rest of your days. Don’t be afraid, love is love, it will always be beautiful.
Happy Valentines Day ♥
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