(NOTE FROM AUTHOR - I am writing this on here because tweets are not long enough! So yes, here it is the continuation of my fan fiction which will now continue every Sunday :) I am afraid its not very long as I quite seriously hurt my hand and am therefore having trouble typing, also to all the people who asked to be in it I will be putting you into next weeks chapter as I had already written this chapter by the time I was asked, but don't worry, none of you have been forgotten! I hope you enjoy it and any feedback is greatly appreciated!) <3
***
“No, no, no I want the drapes beside the windows, not over the windows! Why would I want drapes over the windows? It will block out all the bloody light!” Gary threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. God, you want something done properly you have to do the damn thing yourself.
Jason raised his eyebrows as he sat down on a chair draped with white cloth next to Howard. Despite the fact that Gary had truly gone over the top with the decorations for the Donald-Orange wedding, Jason did have to admit the place did look pretty magical. Outside people buzzed around like bees stringing up fairy lights in the porch and placing flowers in every spare corner. Jason was also pretty sure he had seen an ice sculpture being wheeled into the foyer.
“When we told Gary we wanted a simple wedding how much of that went in?” Jason said laughing.
Howard shook his head, laughing as well. “All of it except the word ‘simple’.”
The big double doors at the end of the hall swung open and Mark strode in. He was still getting used to walking, after spending so long in a wheelchair. It had taken him a while to get used the metal plates in his knees as well but he was getting there. Squinting his eyes against the sunlight that spilled into the room he watched as Gary, muttering to himself, strung up huge white drapes along the walls.
“Did they get the drapes wrong again?” Mark said grinning.
Howard nodded. “I thought they looked fine but then that’s Gaz.”
Mark slumped down beside him. “Tell me about it, we got into bed last night and I reached over to kiss him but before I could get anywhere near him he started on a rant that lasted half an hour about how the table cloths were cream when he had specifically asked for ‘crystal white’ and I am telling you, table cloths? Not exactly an aphrodisiac.”
Jason snorted. “We’re sorry we’ve stolen Gaz from you these past few months.”
Mark looked grim. It was true. It had been 4 months since Gary and himself had admitted their true feelings for each other and although Mark often stayed the night at Gaz’s they had yet to consummate their relationship. Mark wasn’t quite sure why this was; perhaps Gary was just to stressed out by the wedding… but as the months passed by Mark had certainly began worrying about it. He had tried to ask Gaz about it the other night but before he could get anything out his mouth Gary got a call from the caterer to inform him they could no longer do the salmon dish and Gary near had a nervous break down.
“Ahhh.” Gary said, evidently pleased with his handy work he turned to the guys. “Don’t you just love weddings?”
Howard and Jason smiled at each other and shared a brief kiss. Mark grinned.
“Hello by the way.” Mark said.
Gary turned his smiling eyes to Mark. “Hello.” He said leaning down and kissing Mark. “Sorry I was distracted by the drapes, how long have you been here?”
Mark rolled his eyes. “And I love you too.”
Gary looked sheepish. He supposed he had been letting the wedding control his life, well he just wanted everything to look perfect and that was easier said than done. He’d already made it up in his head that as soon as the wedding was over he would surprise Mark with something. Although he had no idea what… Mark wasn’t a man who wanted for much, unlike Gary; Mark didn’t really do presents or romantic gestures. Gary had spent a while brainstorming what he could do but had come up with nothing. He’d asked Rachel, who had suggested he do something in the bedroom, which had caused Gary to need to lie down for a while. Because what Gary hadn’t told Mark is that… he had only really got… intimate with one person and that whole thing had turned into a total disaster, which had left him fairly shy of such things. What if he wasn’t any good? What if he didn’t know what to do? Actually Gary was pretty sure he would have no idea what to do but he couldn’t bring himself to ask anyone. He supposed he had been using the stress of the wedding to put off having what will be an extremely awkward conversation with Mark.
Gary sighed. It wasn’t that he didn’t… want to, it was just that he didn’t want to ruin what he had with Mark if it turned out he was crap. Gary valued his relationship with Mark too much to put it in jeopardy. He supposed he could ask Jason or something… Although Gary wasn’t really comfortable talking about… that stuff. With one last look at Mark he returned to the job at hand. The Donald-Orange wedding was truly going to be a spectacular event.
Mark watched as Gary walked away from him again and slumped down in his chair evidently frustrated with the whole situation. Gary was so damn hard to read sometimes. Getting up he walked off to get some air.
Jason’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he reached to answer it… the name flashed up on his screen and his heart skipped a beat. Reddening he shot up out of his chair.
Howard raised his eyebrows. “Where are you off to so fast?”
Jason looked slightly pained. “Um, do you think it’s okay if I leave a little early?”
Howard grinned. Gary was insisting that Jason and Howard sleep in separate hotels the night before their wedding, as much as they had both protested Gary would have none of it and was personally escorted Howard to his hotel room to make sure he was well and truly alone.
“You go, I’ll say goodbye to Mark and take Gary’s car.” Howard said smiling. He couldn’t believe the night before their wedding had finally come. He felt sick, scared, excited and breathless all at the same time and it was wonderful.
Jason leaned down and kissed him. “See you tomorrow then…” He said smiling.
Howard nodded. “Tomorrow… yeah.”
Jason picked up his coat and with one last kiss walked out the door. The next time he would walk through them would be as a married man. Howard shook his head. It’s a crazy, crazy world.
***
“I told you not to call during the day… what if Howard had seen… he might have questions.” Jason whispered into his phone. He was stood in the hallway with all the coats; his eyes darted around the room making sure he was definitely alone.
He smiled. “I can’t wait to see you either.”
Leaning back against the coats he ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve been thinking about you.”
“I’ll see you tonight, you’ve got my hotel right?” Jason smiled again and made his way out of the door.
The door swung closed and Mark stepped out from behind one of the coats, his face red and his heart hammering. He hadn’t meant to be there when Jason had hurried in with his phone pressed to his ear… Mark had only come in to get his coat. It would have been too late anyway, Mark had heard everything.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Monday, 13 February 2012
Chapter 10 - The Final Chapter
The evening was cold but Mark didn’t care. He sat outside and stared into the darkness that surrounded him. He was back in his home. After a check up the Doctor confirmed he was okay to live alone again and he was only confined to crutches now. His legs were healing faster than the doctors had ever seen, the metal plates they had had to insert into his right knee had left a big scar but Mark didn’t mind to much. He was alive and that was all that mattered to him.
An owl sounded in the distance and Mark took a deep intake of breath. To think that he had almost lost it all, to think that he was minutes away from drawing his final breath shook Mark to his very soul. He wasn’t going to take anything for granted anymore because it was true; no matter who you were you were not invincible. Like any other person Mark had truly believed he was going to live forever, that no accident could touch him because accidents happened to other people but not to him. Yet here he was, the survivor of an accident and all because he had been too stupid to even think about the ice on the roads. What if there had been another car involved? What if the people in that other car weren’t so lucky and had died?
Mark closed his eyes briefly. He had come dangerously close to dying without ever telling the man he loved how he felt. What would have happened if he hadn’t been involved in the accident? Would he of spent the rest of his years never telling Gary how he felt? Never knowing how Gary felt? You have got to live life how you want to live it. You have got to seize the moments even if they result in pain, because most of the time they just result in the mind numbing happiness that Mark felt right now.
He was in love. He was a fool in love. He wanted to be a fool in love, because that’s better than being a fool who never knew how the other person felt.
Of course all was not perfect, it rarely is, Mark’s legs were still confined to casts and would be for another 3 weeks, which prevented them from getting truly intimate with each other. Which, Mark wasn’t going to lie was driving him completely insane and the fact that the stitches in his stomach and chest screamed blue murder every time he even tried to do anything physical was causing him a lot of frustration. Mark wasn’t a sitting around kind of guy, he was an outdoorsman, he liked walking dogs and running in the morning, he was not enjoying having to spend his days sat around. Gary had to force him to stay still during the day so instead of going out they spent most of their time watching films that Mark had shocked Gary by saying he had never seen. Half the films Mark hadn’t even heard of let alone seen them. Although Mark had balked at the idea at first he had to admit the films were not all that bad. He had even enjoyed watching Love Actually, a film Gary had had to physically bind him to the sofa to watch and yet by the end he was hoping they would all get together and be happy. And although he will never, ever, ever, admit it he was fairly sure he had a little tear in his eye when they played ‘All You Need Is Love’ at Kiera Knightly’s wedding. The official reason was that a bug had flown into his eye but Gary had near doubled over laughing when he’d caught Mark sniffling away.
Mark smiled to himself and checked his watch. Gary would be over any minute with some film called ‘Chocolat’, another one Mark had never heard of but Gary insisted was one of the most beautiful love stories of all time. Although Mark had also picked up the entire season five of ‘The Wire’ which he was going to force Gary to watch.
Even though Gary had protested, saying you cannot watch ‘The Wire’ on valentines day Mark had kindly informed him that as beautiful as all these love movies were if he didn’t watch something else he was going to slit his wrists. In return Mark had promised to wear a short-sleeved t-shirt, on Gary’s request. Mark wasn’t entirely sure what the allure of him wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt was but whatever.
The sound of his door opening and closing woke Mark from his thoughts.
“I got you a valentines gift.” Mark said without turning around. “Its on the side.”
“Its not Gary.” Vicky said quietly.
Mark turned around in his chair. “Vicky? Hey, what are you doing here?”
Vicky took the seat opposite him. “I just… I needed someone to talk to, are you free?”
Concern caused Mark to furrow his brow. “Of course, whats wrong?” He leaned forward and took one of her hands in his.
Vicky looked at him and squeezed his fingers. Mark was always there when you needed him, even if it was Valentines Day and he should be with Gary.
“I don’t want to talk about the details but… I lost someone close to me today… I just didn’t know who else to go to.” Vicky said quietly. “I don’t mean to ruin your valentines day.”
Mark waved his other hand. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m always here for you, I mean it Vicky, you are never, ever alone okay?”
Vicky nodded, dabbing a well-worn looking tissue against her eyes. “Why isn’t Gary here?”
“He’s on his way, probably too weighed down by all the romcoms he is forcing me to watch.” Mark smiled.
Vicky let out a short laugh and Mark drew her into a hug.
“Life is hard sometimes, we love and we loose but even when we think that we are alone and have no one to talk to, it’s a lie, because we always have people who care about us.” Mark said, stroking Vicky’s back.
Vicky let her head drop against his shoulder and closed her eyes. The pain numbed inside her, Mark was right, she wasn’t alone in this and she knew that. Mark stroked her hair and they stayed like that for a while, it was nice to know someone was always there for you. Vicky supposed Valentines Day didn’t have to just be about lovers, it was about the people you loved in general.
The door sounded again.
“Mark?” Gary’s voice trailed outside. “Mark?”
“We’re out here.” Mark called.
“We?” Gary said again, his voice getting closer.
“Hi Gaz.” Vicky called.
Gary appeared at the doorway, a collection of DVD’s underneath one arm and a present under the other.
“Hey Vicky.” Gary smiled. “Whats up?”
“Nothing.” Vicky smiled, getting up. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”
Mark held onto her hand. “Are you sure? You can stay if you need to.”
Vicky leaned down and kissed him on the head. “Nah, I’ll be okay, thanks though.”
After hugging Gary, Vicky left, feeling better than she had before and phone in hand decided to call everyone she loved and just… just let them know that she cared about them.
Gary followed Mark back into his lounge and they settled on the sofa together. Leaning over him Gary kissed Mark.
“Happy valentines day.” He said, grinning.
Mark grinned back and kissed him again. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Gary said. “I really, really do.”
Mark smiled again. This was what valentines day was meant to be, it didn’t matter where you were, it mattered who you were with, Mark couldn’t think of a single other person he would of rather been with on that sofa than the man he had been in love with for so long.
Gary settled back against the sofa. He could hardly believe that he was here. He had spent so many valentines days all by himself and now here he was, in love and happy. It wouldn’t be easy; he knew that, relationships are never easy. It would be the toughest journey he had ever been on, they would fight with each other, there would be times when they would believe that all was lost but more than that there would be times like this when Gary would look at Mark and he would never forget how close he had been to loosing him. Sure they would argue but Gary didn’t care, he knew he would always love Mark, no matter what, that’s just the way it was, the way it were, the way it will be.
***
Howard adjusted his tie and looked around the room. He had set up candles at every corner, soft music was playing and he had even picked up Jason’s favorite Chinese food. He wished he didn’t sweat so much when he was nervous, but god he just needed for this to go right, he wanted everything to be perfect.
Jason would be home any minute he knew that. He paced around the room, the whole thing seemed rather silly, perhaps it was too soon. Perhaps the candles were too cheesy; perhaps Jason wouldn’t like the music. Howard sat down, forcing himself to take deep breaths.
“It’s going to be fine, Jason loves you, its fine.” He said out loud to himself and instantly felt like an idiot. Oh, so he was talking to himself now? Had he truly gone insane? My God, where was Jason, why was he so late? Then it hit him. An affair. Of course, Jason was having an affair, that was the only logical conclusion, Howard thought, I mean Jason was an entire five minutes late and that could surely only mean one thing.
Oh God, Howard couldn’t believe Jason would do such a thing to him. The key sounded in the lock. That was it; Howard would just have to confront him about it. Standing up he readied himself.
“I’m home.” Jason called as he walked into the lounge.
“Who is he?” Howard demanded.
Jason looked behind him. “Pardon?”
“The person you are having an affair with behind my back.”
Jason dropped the bag from his hand and laughed. “Have you gone mad? Why on earth would I be having an affair?”
Howard opened his mouth… and closed it again. Good God he was nervous, he had gone mad with nerves, had he really just accused Jason of having an affair? Oh bloody hell.
“Sorry.” Howard said. Well that was that he had already ruined what was meant to be the perfect proposal.
“Are you okay?” Jason said, eyebrow raised.
Howard knew he would hate himself if he didn’t do it now. He just had to dive in the deep end and go for it. You only live once right? Howard was absolutely damned sure there was no other person on God’s earth he wanted to be with and he wanted everyone to know that. He wanted to celebrate his love with Jason because it was important to him.
“Sorry.” He said again. “I guess I am just nervous.” He took a step forward.
Jason looked confused. “Nervous? What are you nervous for?”
This was it. This was the moment. Howard took a deep breath and dropped to one knee. Jason’s eyes widened.
“Jason Thomas Orange… I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else, I love everything about you and I promise to love you forever even when you wear track suit bottoms to bed, even when you finish the last chocolate Gu pot and even when you force me to watch Strictly Come Dancing… I know that we wont be able to have a traditional marriage but I want to celebrate how much I love you with the people that we love together, I want to know that you will always be mine and you’ll never leave me because I am nothing without you, I need you in my life, always and forever… so here I am one fool in a tux asking you… will you marry me?”
Jason stared at the man knelt before him unable to quite believe what had just happened. Sure, he had known that no one made him feel the way Howard did but he hadn’t expected Howard would ever want to settle down and least of all with him. His heart hammered in his chest so hard he was sure it was going to explode.
“Of course I will.” He spluttered, hardly able to get the words out of his mouth early enough. “You may be a big fool in a tux and you may sometimes wear pairs of underwear twice and you may blame me for eating the last Gu pot of chocolate when you know it was you who ate it, but you’re my fool in a tux and I love you.” Jason grinned.
Howard stood up and kissed Jason on the mouth. He hadn’t known happiness like that of which he felt now. He had the man he loved more than anything in the world, and they were going to be together forever, Howard knew that.
“And also.” Jason said between kisses. “I threw out my track suit bottoms.” He winked. “Happy valentines day!”
Howard laughed.
“Hey you two, have you still got your tongues in each others mouths or can we come in yet?” Kennedy shouted from behind the kitchen door causing both men to jump half a mile.
“Yeah seriously guys.” Chloe said. “We brought champagne!”
The door burst open and Kennedy, Chloe, Laura, Em, Vicky, Sue and Elena flooded into the room. Dragging both Howard and Jason into a group hug they all grinned.
“Congratulations you guys!” Em said.
Jason stared at them all. “How on earth did you get in our kitchen?”
Laura shrugged. “Back window, what did you think we were going to miss you guys getting engaged?”
Howard grinned at Jason and Jason grinned back. Howard had been wrong. He hadn’t ruined the proposal, this was the perfect proposal.
“I love you.” Jason mouthed amidst the squealing girls who were calling all their friends to tell them the good news.
“I love you too.” Howard mouthed back.
Because in the end it doesn’t have to be right to be perfect. As Howard and Jason celebrated their engagement, Gary and Mark fell asleep together in front of the fire and Robbie and Kate enjoyed a meal out they all knew one thing, never ever let someone you love pass you by. Never ever let someone you love go without knowing that you love them or you will regret it for the rest of your days. Don’t be afraid, love is love, it will always be beautiful.
Happy Valentines Day ♥
An owl sounded in the distance and Mark took a deep intake of breath. To think that he had almost lost it all, to think that he was minutes away from drawing his final breath shook Mark to his very soul. He wasn’t going to take anything for granted anymore because it was true; no matter who you were you were not invincible. Like any other person Mark had truly believed he was going to live forever, that no accident could touch him because accidents happened to other people but not to him. Yet here he was, the survivor of an accident and all because he had been too stupid to even think about the ice on the roads. What if there had been another car involved? What if the people in that other car weren’t so lucky and had died?
Mark closed his eyes briefly. He had come dangerously close to dying without ever telling the man he loved how he felt. What would have happened if he hadn’t been involved in the accident? Would he of spent the rest of his years never telling Gary how he felt? Never knowing how Gary felt? You have got to live life how you want to live it. You have got to seize the moments even if they result in pain, because most of the time they just result in the mind numbing happiness that Mark felt right now.
He was in love. He was a fool in love. He wanted to be a fool in love, because that’s better than being a fool who never knew how the other person felt.
Of course all was not perfect, it rarely is, Mark’s legs were still confined to casts and would be for another 3 weeks, which prevented them from getting truly intimate with each other. Which, Mark wasn’t going to lie was driving him completely insane and the fact that the stitches in his stomach and chest screamed blue murder every time he even tried to do anything physical was causing him a lot of frustration. Mark wasn’t a sitting around kind of guy, he was an outdoorsman, he liked walking dogs and running in the morning, he was not enjoying having to spend his days sat around. Gary had to force him to stay still during the day so instead of going out they spent most of their time watching films that Mark had shocked Gary by saying he had never seen. Half the films Mark hadn’t even heard of let alone seen them. Although Mark had balked at the idea at first he had to admit the films were not all that bad. He had even enjoyed watching Love Actually, a film Gary had had to physically bind him to the sofa to watch and yet by the end he was hoping they would all get together and be happy. And although he will never, ever, ever, admit it he was fairly sure he had a little tear in his eye when they played ‘All You Need Is Love’ at Kiera Knightly’s wedding. The official reason was that a bug had flown into his eye but Gary had near doubled over laughing when he’d caught Mark sniffling away.
Mark smiled to himself and checked his watch. Gary would be over any minute with some film called ‘Chocolat’, another one Mark had never heard of but Gary insisted was one of the most beautiful love stories of all time. Although Mark had also picked up the entire season five of ‘The Wire’ which he was going to force Gary to watch.
Even though Gary had protested, saying you cannot watch ‘The Wire’ on valentines day Mark had kindly informed him that as beautiful as all these love movies were if he didn’t watch something else he was going to slit his wrists. In return Mark had promised to wear a short-sleeved t-shirt, on Gary’s request. Mark wasn’t entirely sure what the allure of him wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt was but whatever.
The sound of his door opening and closing woke Mark from his thoughts.
“I got you a valentines gift.” Mark said without turning around. “Its on the side.”
“Its not Gary.” Vicky said quietly.
Mark turned around in his chair. “Vicky? Hey, what are you doing here?”
Vicky took the seat opposite him. “I just… I needed someone to talk to, are you free?”
Concern caused Mark to furrow his brow. “Of course, whats wrong?” He leaned forward and took one of her hands in his.
Vicky looked at him and squeezed his fingers. Mark was always there when you needed him, even if it was Valentines Day and he should be with Gary.
“I don’t want to talk about the details but… I lost someone close to me today… I just didn’t know who else to go to.” Vicky said quietly. “I don’t mean to ruin your valentines day.”
Mark waved his other hand. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m always here for you, I mean it Vicky, you are never, ever alone okay?”
Vicky nodded, dabbing a well-worn looking tissue against her eyes. “Why isn’t Gary here?”
“He’s on his way, probably too weighed down by all the romcoms he is forcing me to watch.” Mark smiled.
Vicky let out a short laugh and Mark drew her into a hug.
“Life is hard sometimes, we love and we loose but even when we think that we are alone and have no one to talk to, it’s a lie, because we always have people who care about us.” Mark said, stroking Vicky’s back.
Vicky let her head drop against his shoulder and closed her eyes. The pain numbed inside her, Mark was right, she wasn’t alone in this and she knew that. Mark stroked her hair and they stayed like that for a while, it was nice to know someone was always there for you. Vicky supposed Valentines Day didn’t have to just be about lovers, it was about the people you loved in general.
The door sounded again.
“Mark?” Gary’s voice trailed outside. “Mark?”
“We’re out here.” Mark called.
“We?” Gary said again, his voice getting closer.
“Hi Gaz.” Vicky called.
Gary appeared at the doorway, a collection of DVD’s underneath one arm and a present under the other.
“Hey Vicky.” Gary smiled. “Whats up?”
“Nothing.” Vicky smiled, getting up. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”
Mark held onto her hand. “Are you sure? You can stay if you need to.”
Vicky leaned down and kissed him on the head. “Nah, I’ll be okay, thanks though.”
After hugging Gary, Vicky left, feeling better than she had before and phone in hand decided to call everyone she loved and just… just let them know that she cared about them.
Gary followed Mark back into his lounge and they settled on the sofa together. Leaning over him Gary kissed Mark.
“Happy valentines day.” He said, grinning.
Mark grinned back and kissed him again. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Gary said. “I really, really do.”
Mark smiled again. This was what valentines day was meant to be, it didn’t matter where you were, it mattered who you were with, Mark couldn’t think of a single other person he would of rather been with on that sofa than the man he had been in love with for so long.
Gary settled back against the sofa. He could hardly believe that he was here. He had spent so many valentines days all by himself and now here he was, in love and happy. It wouldn’t be easy; he knew that, relationships are never easy. It would be the toughest journey he had ever been on, they would fight with each other, there would be times when they would believe that all was lost but more than that there would be times like this when Gary would look at Mark and he would never forget how close he had been to loosing him. Sure they would argue but Gary didn’t care, he knew he would always love Mark, no matter what, that’s just the way it was, the way it were, the way it will be.
***
Howard adjusted his tie and looked around the room. He had set up candles at every corner, soft music was playing and he had even picked up Jason’s favorite Chinese food. He wished he didn’t sweat so much when he was nervous, but god he just needed for this to go right, he wanted everything to be perfect.
Jason would be home any minute he knew that. He paced around the room, the whole thing seemed rather silly, perhaps it was too soon. Perhaps the candles were too cheesy; perhaps Jason wouldn’t like the music. Howard sat down, forcing himself to take deep breaths.
“It’s going to be fine, Jason loves you, its fine.” He said out loud to himself and instantly felt like an idiot. Oh, so he was talking to himself now? Had he truly gone insane? My God, where was Jason, why was he so late? Then it hit him. An affair. Of course, Jason was having an affair, that was the only logical conclusion, Howard thought, I mean Jason was an entire five minutes late and that could surely only mean one thing.
Oh God, Howard couldn’t believe Jason would do such a thing to him. The key sounded in the lock. That was it; Howard would just have to confront him about it. Standing up he readied himself.
“I’m home.” Jason called as he walked into the lounge.
“Who is he?” Howard demanded.
Jason looked behind him. “Pardon?”
“The person you are having an affair with behind my back.”
Jason dropped the bag from his hand and laughed. “Have you gone mad? Why on earth would I be having an affair?”
Howard opened his mouth… and closed it again. Good God he was nervous, he had gone mad with nerves, had he really just accused Jason of having an affair? Oh bloody hell.
“Sorry.” Howard said. Well that was that he had already ruined what was meant to be the perfect proposal.
“Are you okay?” Jason said, eyebrow raised.
Howard knew he would hate himself if he didn’t do it now. He just had to dive in the deep end and go for it. You only live once right? Howard was absolutely damned sure there was no other person on God’s earth he wanted to be with and he wanted everyone to know that. He wanted to celebrate his love with Jason because it was important to him.
“Sorry.” He said again. “I guess I am just nervous.” He took a step forward.
Jason looked confused. “Nervous? What are you nervous for?”
This was it. This was the moment. Howard took a deep breath and dropped to one knee. Jason’s eyes widened.
“Jason Thomas Orange… I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else, I love everything about you and I promise to love you forever even when you wear track suit bottoms to bed, even when you finish the last chocolate Gu pot and even when you force me to watch Strictly Come Dancing… I know that we wont be able to have a traditional marriage but I want to celebrate how much I love you with the people that we love together, I want to know that you will always be mine and you’ll never leave me because I am nothing without you, I need you in my life, always and forever… so here I am one fool in a tux asking you… will you marry me?”
Jason stared at the man knelt before him unable to quite believe what had just happened. Sure, he had known that no one made him feel the way Howard did but he hadn’t expected Howard would ever want to settle down and least of all with him. His heart hammered in his chest so hard he was sure it was going to explode.
“Of course I will.” He spluttered, hardly able to get the words out of his mouth early enough. “You may be a big fool in a tux and you may sometimes wear pairs of underwear twice and you may blame me for eating the last Gu pot of chocolate when you know it was you who ate it, but you’re my fool in a tux and I love you.” Jason grinned.
Howard stood up and kissed Jason on the mouth. He hadn’t known happiness like that of which he felt now. He had the man he loved more than anything in the world, and they were going to be together forever, Howard knew that.
“And also.” Jason said between kisses. “I threw out my track suit bottoms.” He winked. “Happy valentines day!”
Howard laughed.
“Hey you two, have you still got your tongues in each others mouths or can we come in yet?” Kennedy shouted from behind the kitchen door causing both men to jump half a mile.
“Yeah seriously guys.” Chloe said. “We brought champagne!”
The door burst open and Kennedy, Chloe, Laura, Em, Vicky, Sue and Elena flooded into the room. Dragging both Howard and Jason into a group hug they all grinned.
“Congratulations you guys!” Em said.
Jason stared at them all. “How on earth did you get in our kitchen?”
Laura shrugged. “Back window, what did you think we were going to miss you guys getting engaged?”
Howard grinned at Jason and Jason grinned back. Howard had been wrong. He hadn’t ruined the proposal, this was the perfect proposal.
“I love you.” Jason mouthed amidst the squealing girls who were calling all their friends to tell them the good news.
“I love you too.” Howard mouthed back.
Because in the end it doesn’t have to be right to be perfect. As Howard and Jason celebrated their engagement, Gary and Mark fell asleep together in front of the fire and Robbie and Kate enjoyed a meal out they all knew one thing, never ever let someone you love pass you by. Never ever let someone you love go without knowing that you love them or you will regret it for the rest of your days. Don’t be afraid, love is love, it will always be beautiful.
Happy Valentines Day ♥
Sunday, 12 February 2012
Chapter 9 - Penultimate Chapter
Chloe cleared her throat. “ Perhaps we should um… give them some privacy.”
“She’s right.” Vicky said, her face slightly blushed. “I am sure they wouldn’t appreciate being um watched.”
Elena grinned. “Oh give it over, they are only kissing, how bloody long have we waited for this?”
It was at that moment that Gary drew away from Mark and turned around. Eleven pairs of eyes stared back at him. Vicky gave a weak wave.
Gary could feel his face turning red even before it happened. Mark laughed. Gary couldn’t believe it, how long had they all been standing there? Oh Jesus he needed to sit down, he was not a man who enjoyed public displays of affection, he was more a love when we’re alone kind of guy. Mark grinned at him.
“You okay?” He said, still laughing at how red Gary had gone.
“I will be in a minute.” Gary choked out. “Is it really hot in here?”
The door opened and the gang flooded into the room. All eleven of their friends grinned like cats that had gotten the cream.
“So how long do we have to leave it before we can start making jokes?” Kennedy said, slapping Gary on the shoulder.
***
Mark stuck his fork hungrily into the plate Gary had set before him. The room was dimly lit by candles that Gary had set up all around the room. Mark smiled, Gary was truly such a hapless romantic, he had even made them both wear shirts and ties. Gary wanted their first proper date to be perfect and although Mark would have been satisfied spending the evening on the sofa together Gary was adamant that the start of a perfect relationship must start with the perfect date. Mark had been let out from hospital only days before and was still wheelchair bound, he hadn’t felt ready to get in a car again so him and Gary had taken the train back to Gary’s house, hats pulled over their faces, coupled with dark sunglasses.
Gary sat down opposite him, a bottle of black current juice stood on the table. Mark felt embarrassed that Gary couldn’t get a bottle of wine for them but Gary had said that it didn’t matter to him.
“This is good.” Mark said taking another mouthful of something he was fairly sure was pasta but you could never tell with Gary’s cooking. You’d be half way through what you thought was a brownie and out of the blue Gary would announce it was beetroot cake.
“Your welcome.” Gary said smiling. “We’ve both waited long enough.”
Mark had a feeling Gary wasn’t talking about the food. Gary’s tie was hung loosely around his throat just like it had been the day of the accident and a whisper of chest hair was visible over the top of his shirt. Mark took a hasty gulp of cold water. As much as he was enjoying the food Mark couldn’t help but wish Gary wasn’t quite so old fashioned. He looked down at his legs, still in their casts and muttered swear words in his head, were the doctors doing this deliberately? He could barely get close enough to Gary to kiss him, in fact yesterday Gary had stolen a kiss when he was sure no one was looking and Mark’s cast had ended up smacking him between the legs and Gary had spend the evening with a ice pack bandaged to his lap.
“Why are you such a good person Gaz?” Mark asked grinning. “Why is it that you never just take advantage of people?” If Mark were brutally honest he wouldn’t mind being taken advantage of by Gary.
Gary laughed. “Because I don’t want anything to go wrong, I feel like its all too good and your going to disappear… also I am not going to lie and say I am not a little scared of your casts, I am still recovering.”
Mark looked more serious. “Why do you refuse to believe that anything good can happen to you Gaz? I’m here I promise and I wont ever disappear.” He smiled again.
Gary shrugged. “What did I do to deserve something good? I haven’t changed the world, nor was I ever there for you when you needed me, I didn’t bother to ask if you were okay even when you were your most depressed.”
Gary looked down at his food, god damnit what was it about Mark’s presence that caused him to choke up so? Gary was not the sentimental type but he felt so exposed around Mark, like his emotions just shot to the surface and he was all over the place.
“Gaz, I didn’t want people to ask if I was okay… I didn’t want to think about what I was doing to myself… but you were there, you were always around and that was enough.” Mark said.
Gary let out a low laugh. “Look at us, when did we get to be such sentimental fools? Shouldn’t we be ripping our clothes off and… and… I don’t know whatever they do these days.”
Mark grinned. “Welcome to an adult relationship… Plus the night is still young, plenty of time for clothes ripping later.”
Gary grinned back and took their plates into the kitchen to fetch dessert.
***
Chloe and Em were sprawled across Jason and Howard sofa; beside them Robbie was sat, Kate lying across his lap. Jason and Howard’s house was rarely empty; they were just that kind of couple Robbie supposed. Jason and Howard had always loved company, Robbie liked that about them, their house was always homely and welcome.
“So.” Em said. “What with Mark and Gary enjoying a romantic night in, FINALLY, Jay and Howard celebrating their anniversary tomorrow, Robbie, Kate, is it getting serious guys?”
Kate blushed.
“Your not supposed to ask when they’re both here.” Chloe said grinning.
Robbie planted a kiss on Kate’s cheek. “You know what I think it kind of is.”
Em clapped her hands together. “God I am surrounded by too many couples in love, I need someone, does anyone know if Gary got Dermot’s number when he was on the x factor?”
“Dermot, really?” Vicky said wrinkling her nose.
“Not if I get there first Em.” Jay said taking a handful of the chips that were sat on the table.
Howard turned to raise his eyebrows in Jay’s direction.
“Not if I get there first to tell Dermot that Em is really the one for him, because I obviously already have a partner who I love very much.” Jason hastened to correct himself, grinning back at Howard.
Howard nodded. “A partner who is far more rugged and handsome than Dermot O’Leary.”
Em laughed. “Hmm, yes well whatever you say.”
“I would not begrudge either of them a place in my bed.” Robbie announced between planting kisses on the side of Kate’s neck.
Jason stood up. “Are you making a move on my man?” Grinning he hit the play button on his stereo.
‘Pray’ filled the room and Vicky leapt up clapping her hands together. “Oooooh a dance off!”
The others laughed as Robbie and Jason squared up, Howard waved his hand at Em, beckoning her to follow him outside.
Howard walked through the glass doors that lead out onto Jason and his back garden; it was cold enough for his breath to come out in puffs of white smoke. Em followed behind him looking curious.
Then Howard proceeded to tell Em something that he had been thinking about for a while now. Something that felt right, something that he wanted Em’s advice on. He figured since she was a girl she’d know all about this kind of stuff. Em’s response to what Howard told her caused her to squeal and throw her arms round his neck. He hugged her back. It was a time for celebration, Howard supposed. He couldn’t wait. This was something he had been planning for so long, he couldn’t wait to tell someone and he trusted that Em wouldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what it was, but it finally felt like the right time, the right place, the right man.
“She’s right.” Vicky said, her face slightly blushed. “I am sure they wouldn’t appreciate being um watched.”
Elena grinned. “Oh give it over, they are only kissing, how bloody long have we waited for this?”
It was at that moment that Gary drew away from Mark and turned around. Eleven pairs of eyes stared back at him. Vicky gave a weak wave.
Gary could feel his face turning red even before it happened. Mark laughed. Gary couldn’t believe it, how long had they all been standing there? Oh Jesus he needed to sit down, he was not a man who enjoyed public displays of affection, he was more a love when we’re alone kind of guy. Mark grinned at him.
“You okay?” He said, still laughing at how red Gary had gone.
“I will be in a minute.” Gary choked out. “Is it really hot in here?”
The door opened and the gang flooded into the room. All eleven of their friends grinned like cats that had gotten the cream.
“So how long do we have to leave it before we can start making jokes?” Kennedy said, slapping Gary on the shoulder.
***
Mark stuck his fork hungrily into the plate Gary had set before him. The room was dimly lit by candles that Gary had set up all around the room. Mark smiled, Gary was truly such a hapless romantic, he had even made them both wear shirts and ties. Gary wanted their first proper date to be perfect and although Mark would have been satisfied spending the evening on the sofa together Gary was adamant that the start of a perfect relationship must start with the perfect date. Mark had been let out from hospital only days before and was still wheelchair bound, he hadn’t felt ready to get in a car again so him and Gary had taken the train back to Gary’s house, hats pulled over their faces, coupled with dark sunglasses.
Gary sat down opposite him, a bottle of black current juice stood on the table. Mark felt embarrassed that Gary couldn’t get a bottle of wine for them but Gary had said that it didn’t matter to him.
“This is good.” Mark said taking another mouthful of something he was fairly sure was pasta but you could never tell with Gary’s cooking. You’d be half way through what you thought was a brownie and out of the blue Gary would announce it was beetroot cake.
“Your welcome.” Gary said smiling. “We’ve both waited long enough.”
Mark had a feeling Gary wasn’t talking about the food. Gary’s tie was hung loosely around his throat just like it had been the day of the accident and a whisper of chest hair was visible over the top of his shirt. Mark took a hasty gulp of cold water. As much as he was enjoying the food Mark couldn’t help but wish Gary wasn’t quite so old fashioned. He looked down at his legs, still in their casts and muttered swear words in his head, were the doctors doing this deliberately? He could barely get close enough to Gary to kiss him, in fact yesterday Gary had stolen a kiss when he was sure no one was looking and Mark’s cast had ended up smacking him between the legs and Gary had spend the evening with a ice pack bandaged to his lap.
“Why are you such a good person Gaz?” Mark asked grinning. “Why is it that you never just take advantage of people?” If Mark were brutally honest he wouldn’t mind being taken advantage of by Gary.
Gary laughed. “Because I don’t want anything to go wrong, I feel like its all too good and your going to disappear… also I am not going to lie and say I am not a little scared of your casts, I am still recovering.”
Mark looked more serious. “Why do you refuse to believe that anything good can happen to you Gaz? I’m here I promise and I wont ever disappear.” He smiled again.
Gary shrugged. “What did I do to deserve something good? I haven’t changed the world, nor was I ever there for you when you needed me, I didn’t bother to ask if you were okay even when you were your most depressed.”
Gary looked down at his food, god damnit what was it about Mark’s presence that caused him to choke up so? Gary was not the sentimental type but he felt so exposed around Mark, like his emotions just shot to the surface and he was all over the place.
“Gaz, I didn’t want people to ask if I was okay… I didn’t want to think about what I was doing to myself… but you were there, you were always around and that was enough.” Mark said.
Gary let out a low laugh. “Look at us, when did we get to be such sentimental fools? Shouldn’t we be ripping our clothes off and… and… I don’t know whatever they do these days.”
Mark grinned. “Welcome to an adult relationship… Plus the night is still young, plenty of time for clothes ripping later.”
Gary grinned back and took their plates into the kitchen to fetch dessert.
***
Chloe and Em were sprawled across Jason and Howard sofa; beside them Robbie was sat, Kate lying across his lap. Jason and Howard’s house was rarely empty; they were just that kind of couple Robbie supposed. Jason and Howard had always loved company, Robbie liked that about them, their house was always homely and welcome.
“So.” Em said. “What with Mark and Gary enjoying a romantic night in, FINALLY, Jay and Howard celebrating their anniversary tomorrow, Robbie, Kate, is it getting serious guys?”
Kate blushed.
“Your not supposed to ask when they’re both here.” Chloe said grinning.
Robbie planted a kiss on Kate’s cheek. “You know what I think it kind of is.”
Em clapped her hands together. “God I am surrounded by too many couples in love, I need someone, does anyone know if Gary got Dermot’s number when he was on the x factor?”
“Dermot, really?” Vicky said wrinkling her nose.
“Not if I get there first Em.” Jay said taking a handful of the chips that were sat on the table.
Howard turned to raise his eyebrows in Jay’s direction.
“Not if I get there first to tell Dermot that Em is really the one for him, because I obviously already have a partner who I love very much.” Jason hastened to correct himself, grinning back at Howard.
Howard nodded. “A partner who is far more rugged and handsome than Dermot O’Leary.”
Em laughed. “Hmm, yes well whatever you say.”
“I would not begrudge either of them a place in my bed.” Robbie announced between planting kisses on the side of Kate’s neck.
Jason stood up. “Are you making a move on my man?” Grinning he hit the play button on his stereo.
‘Pray’ filled the room and Vicky leapt up clapping her hands together. “Oooooh a dance off!”
The others laughed as Robbie and Jason squared up, Howard waved his hand at Em, beckoning her to follow him outside.
Howard walked through the glass doors that lead out onto Jason and his back garden; it was cold enough for his breath to come out in puffs of white smoke. Em followed behind him looking curious.
Then Howard proceeded to tell Em something that he had been thinking about for a while now. Something that felt right, something that he wanted Em’s advice on. He figured since she was a girl she’d know all about this kind of stuff. Em’s response to what Howard told her caused her to squeal and throw her arms round his neck. He hugged her back. It was a time for celebration, Howard supposed. He couldn’t wait. This was something he had been planning for so long, he couldn’t wait to tell someone and he trusted that Em wouldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what it was, but it finally felt like the right time, the right place, the right man.
Saturday, 11 February 2012
Chapter 8
Sunlight spilled in from the windows and slid across the room. Howard opened his eye, squinting slightly against the sudden onslaught of light. Rolling over he found Jason still sleeping, one hand tucked under his cheek. Howard smiled. It looked set to be a beautiful day, if a little cold though Howard pulling the covers a little further over his bare chest. Jason had been right they had needed to spend some time together, Howard had been feeling a little rejected from Jason in the past few days but after talking it through he had found Jason had felt the same. Relationships were funny like that, you could spend the whole time missing someone and thinking they didn’t miss you only to find out they felt the same way.
Stretching out his arms, he checked his phone. 11:30. Howard raised his eyebrows; he hadn’t realized how much they had slept in, he supposed they had stayed up pretty late. As per usual Jason had put his tracksuit bottoms on to sleep, Howard rolled his eyes. It was a particularly annoying habit of Jason’s to get dressed just before they went to sleep and Howard failed to understand why on earth he felt the need to do it. He decided to forgive him though because he looked so adorable when he was asleep.
“Don’t look at me when I’m sleeping, I might do something embarrassing like dribble.” Jason said, his eyes still closed but a smile on his face.
Howard laughed. “I was in the midst of forgiving you for wearing those hideous track suit bottoms to bed.”
Jason opened one eye to look at him. Howard was leaning up on one elbow and the sun was tangled up all around him. Jason didn’t mean to brag but damn his boyfriend was hot.
“I get cold.” Jason said grinning at him.
Howard rolled his eyes again. Perhaps one day when Jason wasn’t around he would chuck them out and pretend they’d gotten lost. Or burn them and say it was an accident.
“I thought we’d go and see Mark today, both of us.” Howard said putting his head back on the pillow.
Jason nodded. “Yeah, the doctor said his memory is almost completely restored except for the fact that he keeps called Gary, Kurtis.” Jason laughed.
Howard smiled. He was glad Mark was getting better, although he did still wonder about Gary. He wasn’t even sure if Gary had gone in yesterday. Next time he saw him Howard swore he would get Gary to talk to him about how he felt even if it meant he had to beat it out of him.
“Why don’t we see Gaz tonight perhaps? After we see Mark?” Jason said rising up on his elbow now and looking down on Howard.
“Sounds like a plan, I’ll text him later, coffee?” Howard said going to slide out the side of the bed.
Jason caught his arm and dragged him back in for a kiss. “Don’t you dare keep stuff from me again Donald.” He said smiling and kissing him again before letting him go.
Howard stood up, a soppy grin plastered across his face. “It’s a promise Orange.”
***
Gary handed over a five-pound note to the girl behind the counter and waited patiently at the end of the line for his coffee. It wasn’t for him, he was more of a tea man and he never brought tea from cafés anyway as they never got it right. It was for Mark. As an apology. Kind of.
Okay, so Gary wasn’t completely proud of the way he had acted the night before. Well it had all happened so fact Gary had had absolutely no idea how to respond. Perhaps getting up and leaving without a word was not the best way to deal with things. God he felt awful… it’s just that. It didn’t make sense. It was too good to of happened to him. Gary was used to heartbreak and rejected but he certainly wasn’t used to having someone say they loved him. Especially when he was so achingly in love with them as well.
Therefore he had come to the conclusion that Mark was delusional or it was some kind of joke. Although he suspected it was the former, Mark didn’t have a mean bone in his body and would never make a joke about something like that.
His phone buzzed.
“Hello?”
“Gary Barlow!” Kennedy practically yelled down the phone at him. “Would you care to explain why you ran out on Mark last night?”
Gary raised his eyebrows. “Who told you?”
“Mark.” Kennedy said impatiently. “I went in to see him this morning and he said that you had left without saying a word, I tell you I am in good mind to come and slap you silly.”
“Well Mark was clearly delusional.” Gary said indignantly, picking up his coffee and walking out of the café. “He doesn’t love me, that would be too… good.”
Kennedy let out a sound of frustration. “Jesus Christ, he does love you okay, he was serious, but you have hurt him pretty badly by walking away, he’s not delusional, ask the doctors, he honestly told you he loved you and you blew him off.”
Gary stopped outside Mark’s door. He honestly told you he loved you and you blew him off. Suddenly he felt sick. What had he done? Had he just ruined his chances at everything he had ever wanted? Would Mark forgive him?
“I have to go.” He choked down the phone.
He opened the door. Mark looked round startled when he saw him. Gary looked at him, he looked pained. Silence ensued.
Mark stared dumfounded at Gary who stood silent in his doorway. His chest still ached from Gary walking out on him the night before. Why had he come back? Surely not to reject him again. Mark didn’t believe that Gary would do such a thing but who knew now, Mark didn’t think Gary would ever walk out of someone like that but he had. Maybe he had forgotten who Gary was, because in Marks mind Gary was a loving compassionate man who wouldn’t hurt a fly and yet just hours before he had stamped on Mark’s heart like you would flick a mosquito from your skin. Without a second thought.
“Did you mean it?” Gary said huskily.
Mark looked surprised. “Mean what?” He cursed himself silently at the misery that had come out in his voice. He had wanted to stay strong. He had wanted to show Gary that he didn’t care if he didn’t love him back. It was no use; he couldn’t hide how hurt he was.
“That you…” Gary swallowed. “Loved me?”
Mark’s eyes widened. Was the man serious? Gary hadn’t believed him when he had told him he loved him?
“Of course.” Mark choked out. “What you think I go round telling people I love them for laughs? Look, just forget I ever said anything, you made your feelings fairly clear on the matter last night.”
Gary sunk down in his chair. Mark was serious. Mark loved him. He opened his mouth. Then closed it again. In Gary’s mind when he had played this scene out he had always imagined himself knowing exactly what to say and yet here he was at a total loss for words. He had honestly never believed that something this good could ever happen to him.
To Marks total and utter surprise Gary started to laugh. Oh fantastic, so he had come all this way to laugh at him? That confirmed that Mark had indeed forgotten who Gary Barlow was. His heart thumped in his chest.
“Listen I told you my biggest secret last night.” Mark said through gritted teeth, his legs hurt; the doctor had warned him not to get too aggravated. “Kindly show the decency not to laugh at me about it.”
Gary’s face was suddenly serious. “I thought you were delusional because it seemed to bloody good to ever actually have someone love you back.”
“Pardon?” Mark said. He had absolutely no idea what Gary was going on about and he wondered if it was actually Gary that had had the accident and bumped his head because he had quite frankly gone insane.
“I love you.” Gary said. “I always have and I probably always will.”
Now it was Mark’s turn to be lost for words. He opened his mouth and closed it again. His stomach felt funny, he felt kind of light. Like something had been weighing on him all this time and now it was lifted, although Mark knew this couldn’t be true, stuff like that only happened in the movies.
“I don’t know what to say.” Mark said slightly breathlessly.
“Don’t say anything, we’ve spent far to much of our time talking anyway.” And with that Gary stood up and kissed Mark, square on the mouth. The feeling that ensued almost knocked him off his feet. He had wanted this for so god damned long.
***
Jason, Howard, Robbie, Laura, Em, Sue, Vicky, Kennedy and Kate stared opened mouthed through the small window that looked into Mark’s hospital room.
“I’m no expert but I think Mark and Gary sorted stuff out.” Vicky said laughing.
“I think you just might be right.” Jason said shaking his head happily.
Stretching out his arms, he checked his phone. 11:30. Howard raised his eyebrows; he hadn’t realized how much they had slept in, he supposed they had stayed up pretty late. As per usual Jason had put his tracksuit bottoms on to sleep, Howard rolled his eyes. It was a particularly annoying habit of Jason’s to get dressed just before they went to sleep and Howard failed to understand why on earth he felt the need to do it. He decided to forgive him though because he looked so adorable when he was asleep.
“Don’t look at me when I’m sleeping, I might do something embarrassing like dribble.” Jason said, his eyes still closed but a smile on his face.
Howard laughed. “I was in the midst of forgiving you for wearing those hideous track suit bottoms to bed.”
Jason opened one eye to look at him. Howard was leaning up on one elbow and the sun was tangled up all around him. Jason didn’t mean to brag but damn his boyfriend was hot.
“I get cold.” Jason said grinning at him.
Howard rolled his eyes again. Perhaps one day when Jason wasn’t around he would chuck them out and pretend they’d gotten lost. Or burn them and say it was an accident.
“I thought we’d go and see Mark today, both of us.” Howard said putting his head back on the pillow.
Jason nodded. “Yeah, the doctor said his memory is almost completely restored except for the fact that he keeps called Gary, Kurtis.” Jason laughed.
Howard smiled. He was glad Mark was getting better, although he did still wonder about Gary. He wasn’t even sure if Gary had gone in yesterday. Next time he saw him Howard swore he would get Gary to talk to him about how he felt even if it meant he had to beat it out of him.
“Why don’t we see Gaz tonight perhaps? After we see Mark?” Jason said rising up on his elbow now and looking down on Howard.
“Sounds like a plan, I’ll text him later, coffee?” Howard said going to slide out the side of the bed.
Jason caught his arm and dragged him back in for a kiss. “Don’t you dare keep stuff from me again Donald.” He said smiling and kissing him again before letting him go.
Howard stood up, a soppy grin plastered across his face. “It’s a promise Orange.”
***
Gary handed over a five-pound note to the girl behind the counter and waited patiently at the end of the line for his coffee. It wasn’t for him, he was more of a tea man and he never brought tea from cafés anyway as they never got it right. It was for Mark. As an apology. Kind of.
Okay, so Gary wasn’t completely proud of the way he had acted the night before. Well it had all happened so fact Gary had had absolutely no idea how to respond. Perhaps getting up and leaving without a word was not the best way to deal with things. God he felt awful… it’s just that. It didn’t make sense. It was too good to of happened to him. Gary was used to heartbreak and rejected but he certainly wasn’t used to having someone say they loved him. Especially when he was so achingly in love with them as well.
Therefore he had come to the conclusion that Mark was delusional or it was some kind of joke. Although he suspected it was the former, Mark didn’t have a mean bone in his body and would never make a joke about something like that.
His phone buzzed.
“Hello?”
“Gary Barlow!” Kennedy practically yelled down the phone at him. “Would you care to explain why you ran out on Mark last night?”
Gary raised his eyebrows. “Who told you?”
“Mark.” Kennedy said impatiently. “I went in to see him this morning and he said that you had left without saying a word, I tell you I am in good mind to come and slap you silly.”
“Well Mark was clearly delusional.” Gary said indignantly, picking up his coffee and walking out of the café. “He doesn’t love me, that would be too… good.”
Kennedy let out a sound of frustration. “Jesus Christ, he does love you okay, he was serious, but you have hurt him pretty badly by walking away, he’s not delusional, ask the doctors, he honestly told you he loved you and you blew him off.”
Gary stopped outside Mark’s door. He honestly told you he loved you and you blew him off. Suddenly he felt sick. What had he done? Had he just ruined his chances at everything he had ever wanted? Would Mark forgive him?
“I have to go.” He choked down the phone.
He opened the door. Mark looked round startled when he saw him. Gary looked at him, he looked pained. Silence ensued.
Mark stared dumfounded at Gary who stood silent in his doorway. His chest still ached from Gary walking out on him the night before. Why had he come back? Surely not to reject him again. Mark didn’t believe that Gary would do such a thing but who knew now, Mark didn’t think Gary would ever walk out of someone like that but he had. Maybe he had forgotten who Gary was, because in Marks mind Gary was a loving compassionate man who wouldn’t hurt a fly and yet just hours before he had stamped on Mark’s heart like you would flick a mosquito from your skin. Without a second thought.
“Did you mean it?” Gary said huskily.
Mark looked surprised. “Mean what?” He cursed himself silently at the misery that had come out in his voice. He had wanted to stay strong. He had wanted to show Gary that he didn’t care if he didn’t love him back. It was no use; he couldn’t hide how hurt he was.
“That you…” Gary swallowed. “Loved me?”
Mark’s eyes widened. Was the man serious? Gary hadn’t believed him when he had told him he loved him?
“Of course.” Mark choked out. “What you think I go round telling people I love them for laughs? Look, just forget I ever said anything, you made your feelings fairly clear on the matter last night.”
Gary sunk down in his chair. Mark was serious. Mark loved him. He opened his mouth. Then closed it again. In Gary’s mind when he had played this scene out he had always imagined himself knowing exactly what to say and yet here he was at a total loss for words. He had honestly never believed that something this good could ever happen to him.
To Marks total and utter surprise Gary started to laugh. Oh fantastic, so he had come all this way to laugh at him? That confirmed that Mark had indeed forgotten who Gary Barlow was. His heart thumped in his chest.
“Listen I told you my biggest secret last night.” Mark said through gritted teeth, his legs hurt; the doctor had warned him not to get too aggravated. “Kindly show the decency not to laugh at me about it.”
Gary’s face was suddenly serious. “I thought you were delusional because it seemed to bloody good to ever actually have someone love you back.”
“Pardon?” Mark said. He had absolutely no idea what Gary was going on about and he wondered if it was actually Gary that had had the accident and bumped his head because he had quite frankly gone insane.
“I love you.” Gary said. “I always have and I probably always will.”
Now it was Mark’s turn to be lost for words. He opened his mouth and closed it again. His stomach felt funny, he felt kind of light. Like something had been weighing on him all this time and now it was lifted, although Mark knew this couldn’t be true, stuff like that only happened in the movies.
“I don’t know what to say.” Mark said slightly breathlessly.
“Don’t say anything, we’ve spent far to much of our time talking anyway.” And with that Gary stood up and kissed Mark, square on the mouth. The feeling that ensued almost knocked him off his feet. He had wanted this for so god damned long.
***
Jason, Howard, Robbie, Laura, Em, Sue, Vicky, Kennedy and Kate stared opened mouthed through the small window that looked into Mark’s hospital room.
“I’m no expert but I think Mark and Gary sorted stuff out.” Vicky said laughing.
“I think you just might be right.” Jason said shaking his head happily.
Friday, 10 February 2012
Chapter 7
“My name is Mark Anthony Patrick Owen, I was born in Oldham, Lancashire England, I am part of a popular boy band called… Kick It? Are you sure it’s a boy band I’m in? I got this feeling I was in football.” Mark’s face was contorted with concentration and he laid back against the pillows in exasperation. It was no good, he remembered who he was and roughly his early life, but this band thing, he didn’t remember anything about a band.
“Your band is called Take That and yes I am sure you’re in a band, my wife is a fan.” The Doctor smiled at him. Mark had spent the week in hospital, although they’d moved him out of intensive care. It was during the night that he suffered the most, he had awful dreams of his car flying off the road and he would wake feeling like his chest was being crushed.
Mark closed his eyes. God he was tired, he was tired a lot recently. The Doctor said it was good for him to sleep, because he remembered things whilst he was sleeping. He remembered his name, he remembered his accident and he remembered the blonde man. Night after night he would dream about the blonde man telling him over and over there was something he needed to say. Mark was sure there was something he needed to say as well but no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many flow diagrams he tried to draw to help jog his memory he could not for the life of him remember what it was.
He looked down at the drawing pad that had been given to him earlier, he was told to draw the first things that came to mind. On the pad he had drawn a clown on a tricycle, a globe next to a woman and he had written the words - All that I needed you gave me, All that I wanted you made me, When I stumbled, you saved me… He turned the words over and over in his mind; he could smell tea when he read them.
“This clown you’ve drawn, why did you draw him?” The Doctor asked.
Mark studied the clown on the tricycle, he could hear whoops and cheers when he looked at him.
“He seemed right, like I know that clown and I was a clown once too.” Mark said slowly.
The Doctor nodded happily. “Very good, I think that will do for today, perhaps your friends will be visiting.”
Did he mean the blonde man? Was the blonde man his friend? He was certainly something. Mark placed the drawing pad on the small table by his bed. He wondered why they just didn’t show him pictures of his life to see if that jogged his memory, when he had queried this to the doctor, he had simply replied that it had a tendency to be too much for some people seeing pictures of a life they didn’t remember, sent some people insane.
Mark grabbed his drawing pad as something new flushed his memory. He drew a big star and wrote underneath – You’re such a big star to me… your every Shine I want to be.
***
Jason was reading when Howard got home. They had been to see Mark in the morning. He seemed a little better, recognizing Jason and Howard from the days they had visited before. Gary hadn’t been there and when Howard had asked the Doctor had confirmed that he hadn’t been in yet. Howard would only start to worry if he didn’t go in at all.
Gary went in everyday without fail but never for very long, he spoke to the Doctor often only stopping to peer in at Mark and then left. Jason said they should just let him do what he wants and not ask him about it. Gary wasn’t one for opening up about his feelings.
“Gaz still hasn’t been in.” Howard said putting the milk he’s picked up on the way home in the fridge.
Jason looked up. “He will be, perhaps he’s just late, I rang him earlier and he was collecting all his writing books, he was hoping showing Mark some of the frameworks of our songs might help him.”
Howard sat down in the armchair opposite Jason. “I’m worried about him, he doesn’t say anything about whats going on for him, aren’t you worried just one day he’s just going to go insane?”
Jason put his book down. In complete truth, yes, yes he was worried that Gary was going to loose it. But he certainly wasn’t going to say that to Howard who was a terrible worrier without having his concerns confirmed. Jason was not a worrier by nature and he wondered if that was why Howard and himself got on so well. Howard would get caught up in the little things and Jason was always there to help him out of his problems.
“No, Gary will sort himself out, he always has, he’s got that determined look in his eye.” Jason said.
“Maybe we should take him out tonight or something.” Howard said staring out of the window.
Jason sighed. He was worried about Gary and he did care about Mark, of course he did, but what with all the commotion around it he had hardly seen Howard properly or had a second alone with him. It’s strange to miss someone who is sat right in front of you.
“I was hoping me and you could spend some time together tonight.” Jason said hopefully.
Howard dragged his eyes from the window to look at him.
“We haven’t had five minutes together since the accident.” Jason said.
“We’re together now.” Howard said folding his hands together.
Jason folded his arms. “Fine, never mind.”
Yes he loved Howard but damnit he drove him crazy sometimes. He picked up his book indignantly, making sure Howard was fully aware that he was going to be sulking for the rest of the evening.
“No, Jay that’s not what I meant.” Howard said standing up. “We don’t have to go out tonight.” Leaning down Howard kissed Jay on the mouth and then standing back up again he made his way back into the kitchen to get something to drink.
Jason looked after him, smiling. He knew Howard wouldn’t be able to leave him sulking for long.
***
Robbie stood under his shower, letting the water run over him, warming him. Rubbing his eyes he sighed. What was going on with him? Christ he didn’t even know. Everything with Kate was so complicated… but good complicated; he didn’t know how to describe it. He didn’t know why he felt like he did. He was Robbie Fucking Williams and here he was confused about a girl! Robbie Williams! He couldn’t talk to the boys about it; they were all too wrapped up with everything that was going on with Mark.
Taking the soap he massaged it through his hair and washed it off. Showers were the perfect place to contemplate things, no interruptions, the doors locked, he could think whatever he wanted, he could sort stuff out in the privacy of-
“Robbie!” Vicky exclaimed from the bathroom a smile across her face.
Jumping half a mile in the air Robbie hastened to cover himself.
“Vicky! Get out of my bathroom!”
Vicky waved her hand. “Don’t be silly, I’ve seen you naked plenty of times, look I’ve come to talk to you.”
Robbie stared at her. Had the girl completely lost it?
“Are you crazy? And when, when have you seen me naked?”
Vicky rolled her eyes. “Your not exactly reserved sweetheart, who’s this.” Vicky began lumbering around the bathroom in a loose impression of Robbie. “Oh I am Robbie Williams and I am just going to wander around naked at Markies 35th birthday party because I am soooo relaxed.”
“It was a pool party.” Robbie protested.
“Exactly! NORMAL people wore swimsuits.” Vicky waved her hands again. “Getting off the point, I’ve come to talk to you about Kate.”
Robbie relaxed, a smile spreading across his face.
“I don’t want you to break her heart, she is the sanest person you have ever dated and I want you to stick with it.” Vicky said indignantly folding her arms. “And I am going to go now but that is what I want you to know, break her heart and I’ll break… I’ll break your dogs.” And with that she left.
Robbie stared after her. Women, they had to be admired. Why they were not running the world Robbie did not know, they were perfect, ballsy, mind readers, always knew what to say and never too power hungry. He suspected they were all in hiding ready to jump out and take over the second they spotted weakness in the rule of men. Vicky was right though. He didn’t want to break Kate’s heart, he hadn’t felt this way about anyone before and he was damned if he was going to loose it.
Perhaps he should be a little more loving towards her. He had always struggled with the sentimental stuff. He could write sentimental songs but when it came to getting down on one knee underneath someone’s balcony Robbie didn’t have a clue what to say. Maybe he’d be able to catch Gaz soon and ask him, Gaz would know what to say. Gaz was good at that kind of stuff. Except of course when it came to telling Mark he loved him but that was another ballpark.
Stepping out the shower, Robbie wrapped a towel around his hips and reached for his phone.
***
Mark was still concentrating on his drawing pad when Georgia, his evening nurse came in to check his machines. She was humming when she walked in, smiling at him as she did.
Mark’s pen stopped in its tracks. The song… the song Georgia was humming reminded him of something. He listened more intently. His mind filled with a picture of a ginger woman and people dancing… and Mark was there wearing some hideous looking crop top.
“What are you humming?” Mark demanded.
Georgia stopped what she was doing and looked embarrassed. “Oops I am sorry, I just always get this song stuck in my head when I see you.”
“Because its my song… from my band… My Fire Is Burning? Burnt Out My Fire? Relight My Love?” Marks fists balled. He knew that song, he knew its name, he took a deep breath.
“Relight My Fire.” Mark and Georgia said at the same time.
Georgia smiled. “Its coming back isn’t it? The doctor said it would, there’s a lot of people waiting for you Mark.”
Mark smiled back at her, the words of the song coming back to him now. The tune… everything, he remembered that song, it was just as he was congratulating himself on this that the blonde haired man appeared at the door, two women stood at his side.
Georgia smiled at them. “Afternoon Mr. Barlow, Marks just remembering some of your golden oldies.”
Gary was pleased. He could certainly see part of Marks memory coming back, little by little each day and every little memory that came back Gary felt a little bit more happy.
“Okay.” Gary said, Mark watched the determination in his eyes. “This is Elena and this is Chloe, you worked with both of them during our tours.”
Elena smiled at him and Chloe gave him a little wave. Mark picked up his drawing pad and looked from Elena to the pad. The woman he had drawn next to the world looked like her.
“Beautiful World.” He muttered.
Elena clapped. “Yes! Oh Markie so glad your recovering.”
Mark smiled. The girls left minutes later and so did Georgia after chatting briefly with Gary. Gary took his usual seat next to Mark. Mark studied his face in silence. He knew this man; Mark knew this man was important to him.
Gary returned Mark’s gaze, something had changed these past few days in his eyes. Instead of looking blank and confused it was like they were finally connecting the dots of the life he had lived. The space between them felt awkward but Gary ignored it.
Mark felt good, Georgia had even mentioned letting him go home soon. He would need to be watched for a while and she suggested he stay with a friend. He wouldn’t be out of his leg casts for a while so he’d need a wheelchair. But best of all Mark didn’t feel scared anymore. This man, this man sat before him had worked tirelessly to help him remember and Mark didn’t know how to thank him enough. He ran over the accident in his head. He remembered being at this mans house, he remember looking at the words of the song on the paper and he remembered spilling his tea. Then… then Mark remembered anger and rejection. Why had he felt like that the night his car had spun off the road?
“You were angry at me.” Gary said as if reading his mind.
Mark nodded. “You rejected me.” He said, although he didn’t quite understand what he meant.
Gary looked confused. Rejected him? When had Gary rejected Mark? Gary could not remember saying such a thing; he would never reject Mark that’s ridiculous.
“I rejected you?” He questioned.
Mark concentrated. “I wanted to tell you something important but I was worried you would reject me and… then you called me your mate.”
Gary stared at him. What in God’s name was he going on about? It wasn’t Mark who had wanted to tell Gary something; Gary had wanted to tell Mark something. Gary had feared rejection. Gary’s head almost spun with how confused he was. When he looked back at Mark it was to find that he had gone completely red in the face.
“Mark?” Gary said his eyes widening in surprise.
“I remember.” Mark said breathlessly. “I remember what I needed to tell you.”
Gary moved his chair forward, fearing the worst. Gary thought Mark had remembered how Gary had left him to drive in the snow alone. Mark was going to say how much he hated him wasn’t he. Gary knew it, he knew it. Gary pressed his lips into a thin line preparing himself for heartbreak.
“I don’t know why I am telling you this but I need to.” Mark said. “I need to tell you to help me… because I nearly died out there, I nearly died before I had the chance to tell you and I can’t let that happen again.”
Gary swallowed. He understood, Mark needed to get his anger out, which was fine. Gary would be fine. He’d finally be able to move on, he’d finally be able to let go. But God it was going to hurt. It was going to hurt more than all the rejection he had received in the past, it was going to hurt more than being dropped from his label, it was going to hurt more than knowing no one wanted to hear his music anymore. This was going to kill him inside but Gary knew he could handle it. He was good at keeping his emotions inside, he could fake a smile and he could fake that he was totally fine with everything.
Mark looked at the man sat before him, worry creasing his face. Mark could hardly believe the words that were about to come out of his mouth. Perhaps he was delusional after his accident… but no this felt right. This was it, this was whom he was and always had meant to say this too. He knew he was right. He didn’t know how he knew but he did. Mark felt a little lightheaded but he pushed that aside.
“I love you.”
“Your band is called Take That and yes I am sure you’re in a band, my wife is a fan.” The Doctor smiled at him. Mark had spent the week in hospital, although they’d moved him out of intensive care. It was during the night that he suffered the most, he had awful dreams of his car flying off the road and he would wake feeling like his chest was being crushed.
Mark closed his eyes. God he was tired, he was tired a lot recently. The Doctor said it was good for him to sleep, because he remembered things whilst he was sleeping. He remembered his name, he remembered his accident and he remembered the blonde man. Night after night he would dream about the blonde man telling him over and over there was something he needed to say. Mark was sure there was something he needed to say as well but no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many flow diagrams he tried to draw to help jog his memory he could not for the life of him remember what it was.
He looked down at the drawing pad that had been given to him earlier, he was told to draw the first things that came to mind. On the pad he had drawn a clown on a tricycle, a globe next to a woman and he had written the words - All that I needed you gave me, All that I wanted you made me, When I stumbled, you saved me… He turned the words over and over in his mind; he could smell tea when he read them.
“This clown you’ve drawn, why did you draw him?” The Doctor asked.
Mark studied the clown on the tricycle, he could hear whoops and cheers when he looked at him.
“He seemed right, like I know that clown and I was a clown once too.” Mark said slowly.
The Doctor nodded happily. “Very good, I think that will do for today, perhaps your friends will be visiting.”
Did he mean the blonde man? Was the blonde man his friend? He was certainly something. Mark placed the drawing pad on the small table by his bed. He wondered why they just didn’t show him pictures of his life to see if that jogged his memory, when he had queried this to the doctor, he had simply replied that it had a tendency to be too much for some people seeing pictures of a life they didn’t remember, sent some people insane.
Mark grabbed his drawing pad as something new flushed his memory. He drew a big star and wrote underneath – You’re such a big star to me… your every Shine I want to be.
***
Jason was reading when Howard got home. They had been to see Mark in the morning. He seemed a little better, recognizing Jason and Howard from the days they had visited before. Gary hadn’t been there and when Howard had asked the Doctor had confirmed that he hadn’t been in yet. Howard would only start to worry if he didn’t go in at all.
Gary went in everyday without fail but never for very long, he spoke to the Doctor often only stopping to peer in at Mark and then left. Jason said they should just let him do what he wants and not ask him about it. Gary wasn’t one for opening up about his feelings.
“Gaz still hasn’t been in.” Howard said putting the milk he’s picked up on the way home in the fridge.
Jason looked up. “He will be, perhaps he’s just late, I rang him earlier and he was collecting all his writing books, he was hoping showing Mark some of the frameworks of our songs might help him.”
Howard sat down in the armchair opposite Jason. “I’m worried about him, he doesn’t say anything about whats going on for him, aren’t you worried just one day he’s just going to go insane?”
Jason put his book down. In complete truth, yes, yes he was worried that Gary was going to loose it. But he certainly wasn’t going to say that to Howard who was a terrible worrier without having his concerns confirmed. Jason was not a worrier by nature and he wondered if that was why Howard and himself got on so well. Howard would get caught up in the little things and Jason was always there to help him out of his problems.
“No, Gary will sort himself out, he always has, he’s got that determined look in his eye.” Jason said.
“Maybe we should take him out tonight or something.” Howard said staring out of the window.
Jason sighed. He was worried about Gary and he did care about Mark, of course he did, but what with all the commotion around it he had hardly seen Howard properly or had a second alone with him. It’s strange to miss someone who is sat right in front of you.
“I was hoping me and you could spend some time together tonight.” Jason said hopefully.
Howard dragged his eyes from the window to look at him.
“We haven’t had five minutes together since the accident.” Jason said.
“We’re together now.” Howard said folding his hands together.
Jason folded his arms. “Fine, never mind.”
Yes he loved Howard but damnit he drove him crazy sometimes. He picked up his book indignantly, making sure Howard was fully aware that he was going to be sulking for the rest of the evening.
“No, Jay that’s not what I meant.” Howard said standing up. “We don’t have to go out tonight.” Leaning down Howard kissed Jay on the mouth and then standing back up again he made his way back into the kitchen to get something to drink.
Jason looked after him, smiling. He knew Howard wouldn’t be able to leave him sulking for long.
***
Robbie stood under his shower, letting the water run over him, warming him. Rubbing his eyes he sighed. What was going on with him? Christ he didn’t even know. Everything with Kate was so complicated… but good complicated; he didn’t know how to describe it. He didn’t know why he felt like he did. He was Robbie Fucking Williams and here he was confused about a girl! Robbie Williams! He couldn’t talk to the boys about it; they were all too wrapped up with everything that was going on with Mark.
Taking the soap he massaged it through his hair and washed it off. Showers were the perfect place to contemplate things, no interruptions, the doors locked, he could think whatever he wanted, he could sort stuff out in the privacy of-
“Robbie!” Vicky exclaimed from the bathroom a smile across her face.
Jumping half a mile in the air Robbie hastened to cover himself.
“Vicky! Get out of my bathroom!”
Vicky waved her hand. “Don’t be silly, I’ve seen you naked plenty of times, look I’ve come to talk to you.”
Robbie stared at her. Had the girl completely lost it?
“Are you crazy? And when, when have you seen me naked?”
Vicky rolled her eyes. “Your not exactly reserved sweetheart, who’s this.” Vicky began lumbering around the bathroom in a loose impression of Robbie. “Oh I am Robbie Williams and I am just going to wander around naked at Markies 35th birthday party because I am soooo relaxed.”
“It was a pool party.” Robbie protested.
“Exactly! NORMAL people wore swimsuits.” Vicky waved her hands again. “Getting off the point, I’ve come to talk to you about Kate.”
Robbie relaxed, a smile spreading across his face.
“I don’t want you to break her heart, she is the sanest person you have ever dated and I want you to stick with it.” Vicky said indignantly folding her arms. “And I am going to go now but that is what I want you to know, break her heart and I’ll break… I’ll break your dogs.” And with that she left.
Robbie stared after her. Women, they had to be admired. Why they were not running the world Robbie did not know, they were perfect, ballsy, mind readers, always knew what to say and never too power hungry. He suspected they were all in hiding ready to jump out and take over the second they spotted weakness in the rule of men. Vicky was right though. He didn’t want to break Kate’s heart, he hadn’t felt this way about anyone before and he was damned if he was going to loose it.
Perhaps he should be a little more loving towards her. He had always struggled with the sentimental stuff. He could write sentimental songs but when it came to getting down on one knee underneath someone’s balcony Robbie didn’t have a clue what to say. Maybe he’d be able to catch Gaz soon and ask him, Gaz would know what to say. Gaz was good at that kind of stuff. Except of course when it came to telling Mark he loved him but that was another ballpark.
Stepping out the shower, Robbie wrapped a towel around his hips and reached for his phone.
***
Mark was still concentrating on his drawing pad when Georgia, his evening nurse came in to check his machines. She was humming when she walked in, smiling at him as she did.
Mark’s pen stopped in its tracks. The song… the song Georgia was humming reminded him of something. He listened more intently. His mind filled with a picture of a ginger woman and people dancing… and Mark was there wearing some hideous looking crop top.
“What are you humming?” Mark demanded.
Georgia stopped what she was doing and looked embarrassed. “Oops I am sorry, I just always get this song stuck in my head when I see you.”
“Because its my song… from my band… My Fire Is Burning? Burnt Out My Fire? Relight My Love?” Marks fists balled. He knew that song, he knew its name, he took a deep breath.
“Relight My Fire.” Mark and Georgia said at the same time.
Georgia smiled. “Its coming back isn’t it? The doctor said it would, there’s a lot of people waiting for you Mark.”
Mark smiled back at her, the words of the song coming back to him now. The tune… everything, he remembered that song, it was just as he was congratulating himself on this that the blonde haired man appeared at the door, two women stood at his side.
Georgia smiled at them. “Afternoon Mr. Barlow, Marks just remembering some of your golden oldies.”
Gary was pleased. He could certainly see part of Marks memory coming back, little by little each day and every little memory that came back Gary felt a little bit more happy.
“Okay.” Gary said, Mark watched the determination in his eyes. “This is Elena and this is Chloe, you worked with both of them during our tours.”
Elena smiled at him and Chloe gave him a little wave. Mark picked up his drawing pad and looked from Elena to the pad. The woman he had drawn next to the world looked like her.
“Beautiful World.” He muttered.
Elena clapped. “Yes! Oh Markie so glad your recovering.”
Mark smiled. The girls left minutes later and so did Georgia after chatting briefly with Gary. Gary took his usual seat next to Mark. Mark studied his face in silence. He knew this man; Mark knew this man was important to him.
Gary returned Mark’s gaze, something had changed these past few days in his eyes. Instead of looking blank and confused it was like they were finally connecting the dots of the life he had lived. The space between them felt awkward but Gary ignored it.
Mark felt good, Georgia had even mentioned letting him go home soon. He would need to be watched for a while and she suggested he stay with a friend. He wouldn’t be out of his leg casts for a while so he’d need a wheelchair. But best of all Mark didn’t feel scared anymore. This man, this man sat before him had worked tirelessly to help him remember and Mark didn’t know how to thank him enough. He ran over the accident in his head. He remembered being at this mans house, he remember looking at the words of the song on the paper and he remembered spilling his tea. Then… then Mark remembered anger and rejection. Why had he felt like that the night his car had spun off the road?
“You were angry at me.” Gary said as if reading his mind.
Mark nodded. “You rejected me.” He said, although he didn’t quite understand what he meant.
Gary looked confused. Rejected him? When had Gary rejected Mark? Gary could not remember saying such a thing; he would never reject Mark that’s ridiculous.
“I rejected you?” He questioned.
Mark concentrated. “I wanted to tell you something important but I was worried you would reject me and… then you called me your mate.”
Gary stared at him. What in God’s name was he going on about? It wasn’t Mark who had wanted to tell Gary something; Gary had wanted to tell Mark something. Gary had feared rejection. Gary’s head almost spun with how confused he was. When he looked back at Mark it was to find that he had gone completely red in the face.
“Mark?” Gary said his eyes widening in surprise.
“I remember.” Mark said breathlessly. “I remember what I needed to tell you.”
Gary moved his chair forward, fearing the worst. Gary thought Mark had remembered how Gary had left him to drive in the snow alone. Mark was going to say how much he hated him wasn’t he. Gary knew it, he knew it. Gary pressed his lips into a thin line preparing himself for heartbreak.
“I don’t know why I am telling you this but I need to.” Mark said. “I need to tell you to help me… because I nearly died out there, I nearly died before I had the chance to tell you and I can’t let that happen again.”
Gary swallowed. He understood, Mark needed to get his anger out, which was fine. Gary would be fine. He’d finally be able to move on, he’d finally be able to let go. But God it was going to hurt. It was going to hurt more than all the rejection he had received in the past, it was going to hurt more than being dropped from his label, it was going to hurt more than knowing no one wanted to hear his music anymore. This was going to kill him inside but Gary knew he could handle it. He was good at keeping his emotions inside, he could fake a smile and he could fake that he was totally fine with everything.
Mark looked at the man sat before him, worry creasing his face. Mark could hardly believe the words that were about to come out of his mouth. Perhaps he was delusional after his accident… but no this felt right. This was it, this was whom he was and always had meant to say this too. He knew he was right. He didn’t know how he knew but he did. Mark felt a little lightheaded but he pushed that aside.
“I love you.”
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Chapter 6
Gary didn’t think he had ever moved so quickly. Except perhaps when he was trying to follow Jason during the Take That dances. Crashing through his lounge door he scrambled around on his worktop for his keys. God his fucking keys! Where had Robbie put his keys?
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Gary threw his mail, paper and anything in his way across the kitchen. “Who doesn’t put keys on the key hook? Robbie Williams, that’s who, I put the fucking key hook there for the keys and no one uses it, no one!”
Slamming his fist down on the table he drew a deep breath. He just needed to be calm, you never find anything when you’re stressing. Flexing his fingers he scanned the kitchen. Something silver glinted from his mug shelf, lifting his ‘Only Takes A Minute To Make Some Tea’ mug he grabbed his keys and shot out the door.
And ran smack bang into Sue. Sue grabbed his shoulders.
“Hey there, where you going so fast?”
“He’s awake.” Gary said, grabbing her hand. “Can you drive?”
“Of course.” Sue grasped the keys out of his hands and they dashed to the car.
The snow had near melted but Sue drove slowly anyway out of the drive. Gary shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Didn’t this car go any faster? His heart pumped in his throat, his feet tingled, his stomach turned. What was he going to do when he got there? What was Mark going to be like? Gary had a sudden desire to have been to medical school just so he’d know what to do, know what to say, know how Mark would be feeling.
“Deep breaths, Gary.” Sue said, turning to smile at him. “He’s still going to be awake when you get there, he’s on the road to recovery, be happy instead.”
Gary turned to her. “How do you always know what to say?”
Sue smiled again. “You know what to say Gary, you just got to get it out, sometimes we feel passionate about someone and we just have to get over our reservations and tell them.”
“Even if they tell you they don’t love you?” Gary said watching her beautiful face intensely.
“Are you joking? Your joking right?” Sue raised her hands off the wheel briefly in exasperation. “God men are so clueless, Mark fucking loves you, he loves you so much he says your name in his sleep, he accidentally wrote Mark Barlow on his ID form.”
Gary stared at her opened mouthed. “What? Are you serious?”
Sue made a face. “Jason made me promise not to say anything, but fucking hell you guys were taking so long.”
Gary looked back out the window. He could not believe what he was hearing, they must of heard wrong. Mark probably said all of their names in his sleep, and he was always spelling his own name wrong. It didn’t mean anything. Just coincidences. That’s all, coincidences.
“Your convincing yourself it was all a coincidence aren’t you.” Sue said shaking her head. “Fine, whatever, learn the truth by yourself.”
Damn. How did women do that? It had always baffled Gary how they managed to know exactly what you were thinking at all times. He wished he had that superpower. The rest of the journey was quiet, Gary mulled over what Sue had said. By the time they reached the hospital he had convinced himself completely that it was a coincidence and by the time they walked through the big glass doors he had even convinced himself Mark was going to hate him for not making sure he got home safely.
They walked to the reception and the doctor that had spoken to them before came out to meet them.
“Mr. Barlow, nice to see you again. You here to see Mr. Owen?” The Doctor looked down at his clipboard. “Would you mind stepping aside and talking to me for a second?”
Oh God. What now? Gary wanted to do nothing other than run into Marks room and see him awake; to assure himself Mark was on the way to recovery. He followed the doctor and sat down opposite him on the cream chairs that were pulled out for him. Sue had popped to café to get something to eat.
“Mr. Owen woke up a lot sooner than we first suspected but although his breathing is back to normal and we can say his body is on the mend its his mind we are most worried about.” The Doctor clasped his hands together on the desk before him. “He has experienced quite serious memory loss, he is unsure of who he is, his whereabouts and didn’t recognize your friends Mr. Orange and Mr. Donald.”
The ball in Gary’s stomach squeezed tighter causing him to buckle a little. He rubbed at it when his hand, willing it to go away.
“Will he remember?” Gary asked slowly.
“Yes, of that we are 97% certain but we don’t know how long it is going to take him to remember everything fully, at the moment he managed to name where he was born and roughly his age but beyond that he has been struggling.”
Bloody hell, did these doctors actually know anything? It seemed that all Gary was ever hearing was that they were not sure, or uncertain, or that they flat out didn’t even bloody know!
“You can go and see him now if you want, your friends Mr. Donald and Orange left earlier with a girl, Mr. Williams is in with Mr. Owen and his brought his lady friend.” The doctor smiled. “Your friends going to be okay, of that I am certain, just um… have a little patience… oh err.” The doctor laughed. “No pun intended.”
Gary rolled his eyes. How many times had he heard that one before? Gary followed the doctor once more into intensive care and the doctor once more left him alone. He looked through the little glass gap in the door. Robbie stood with his arm around Kate’s waist, his fingers stroking lazily at her hip. Mark was sat up in his bed, his eyes were dazed and confused but by God they were alive.
Gary pushed open the door and three pairs of eyes turned to him.
“Gaz.” Rob said smiling at him. “We’ll um leave you guys for a minute, come on babe.” He pulled Kate from the room.
Gary stood awkwardly in the doorway, not really sure what to say.
Mark smiled tiredly at him. “Do I know you? Doctor said I’ve forgotten some things because I had an accident.”
Gary’s chest ached; he took a seat by Marks bed.
“You do know me.” He said slowly. “We’re friends…”
Mark looked pained for a minute. “Man, I’m sorry I just cant seem to place anyone or anything, I was damned scared when I woke up didn’t know where or who I was, the Doctors spent ages explaining to me.”
Gary hated to think of Mark waking up alone and afraid, god damnit why hadn’t he just stayed here? He could have been there to reassure him.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help.” Gary said, swallowing the hard ball in his throat.
“That’s okay, the more people I see, the more I’ll remember… I felt different when I saw you though.” Mark turned away from Gary. “I don’t know how to explain it, kind of like I knew you more than the others who came in, like we had something different… Jesus I sound like a fucking Romantic Comedy.” Mark laughed quietly.
Gary webbed his fingers together. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. Mark was alive, he could see that and he was getting better, but he didn’t know him. He didn’t know who Gary was, Gary couldn’t possibly tell him now. Jesus Gary wanted to do nothing more than just hold him and have Mark hold him back like old times. He wanted to see the old Mark again more than anything.
“It’s complicated.” Gary said, boy had those words never been more true. “But listen I know you don’t remember who I am yet but I am so, so, so, relieved that your awake, you had us all pretty scared.”
Gary got up to leave. It was too painful to speak to Mark; he just needed some time to figure stuff out.
“I promise I’ll tell you if you wake up.” Mark said, making Gary stop in his tracks. “You told me that in a dream, that’s how I recognized you, what did you want to say to me?”
Gary swallowed. “I do want to tell you something, just not yet.”
Mark held up a hand weakly. “Understood… but listen I get this feeling that when I remember there is something I need to tell you too.”
Gary stood and looked at him for a while and then without a word closed the door behind him. Sinking back against the wall, grateful for its coolness he let out a long groan. God he hated this. Opposite him Robbie and Kate were kissing on the chairs lined up against the wall. Gary rolled his eyes.
Kennedy bounced towards him, with Em, Laura and Vicky by her side. They had brought flowers.
“We’ve come to see Mark.” Vicky said smiling.
Em sunk down to her knees and took Gary’s face in her hands. “Look at you all miserable, he’s going to remember Gaz, come on show us a smile, he’s getting better!”
Gary smiled at her weakly. Em frowned, Laura sat down beside her.
“Come on, we brought Taz’s!” Laura reached into her pocket and pulled out the caramel chocolates.
“Do you know how long it took us to find Taz’s?” Vicky said. “We went half way round the fucking world.”
Gary took the chocolate form Laura’s outstretched hand.
“You can tell us how many calories it’s got if it makes you feel better.” Kennedy said smiling.
The girls left Gary moments later to go and see Mark, Em had pulled him into a hug that had smelt of roses and by the time Gary had finished his Taz he felt better. Maybe he needed a walk, it had been so intense, and perhaps he needed some air to clear his head. Hauling himself off the floor Gary walked towards the exit.
***
Mark lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, a group of girls had just left and he had been told the Doctor would be in soon to ask him some more questions. He wondered if the blonde haired man would come in again. Mark couldn’t describe how he felt when he saw him, it was strange like all these words were clogged up in his throat but he didn’t know what they were or how to say them. He didn’t care about the doctors routine questions he cared about remembering what he needed to say to that man. Because something was telling him it was important.
He closed his eyes, balled his fists as best he could without causing himself too much pain, and tried to remember.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Chapter 5
It was Robbie who offered to drive Gary home. They’d pulled him out of intensive care and bundled him into the car without him saying a word. He looked tired, Robbie thought. It was strange seeing Gary like this; he was always such a bundle of excitement and lopsided smiles.
They had had to wade through the paparazzi lining the streets, microphones thrust at them left, right and centre. The doctors had said a few words earlier saying that Marks condition was stable but not yet out of critical. None of the boys wanted to comment on the situation. The police arrived fairly swiftly to break up the crowds.
“Did you tell him Gaz?” Robbie said, his eyes leaving the road to look over at his friend.
Gary looked down. “No, I couldn’t do it, I want Mark to hear me say it, when… if he wakes up I’ll tell him.”
Robbie nodded quietly. This was not his area of expertise, he was wishing Jason and Howard had driven Gary home now; they’d know exactly what to say. The only thing Robbie could think of was to change the subject.
“Kennedy phoned.”
Gary looked up briefly and for the first time since the accident his green eyes seemed to clear, they almost looked alive again.
“She did?” Kennedy was Gary’s writing partner. For hours they’d sit together weaving words together to create the hits that people know and love.
“Yeah she was worried about you and Mark, says she’s waiting at your house with a mug of tea now and she brought Laura.” Robbie sat back in his chair, slightly please he was the first person to make Gary smile.
Gary rested back against the headrest. “I’m so tired.”
“I know, well when Mark wakes up atleast he’ll be keeping you up all night for good reasons.”
Gary’s eyebrow shot up. “Please tell me you did not just say that.”
“Yeah that was bad wasn’t it? Don’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind though, plus that’s a classic Take That song.” Robbie drummed his fingers on the wheel, humming ‘Up All Night’ as he did so.
Gary shook his head, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter. The pain in his stomach became less, but it was still there, eating away at him. Perhaps after he slept for a while he’d feel better.
“Come on.” Rob said. “Tell me about Mark.”
Gary looked at him again wondering if he had completely lost his mind.
“You know Mark?”
“I know Mark form my point of view, tell me about the Mark you know, when did you know he was ‘The One’?” Robbie grinned. “It will help.”
Gary wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t used to talking about Mark. It felt strange, he thought about Mark but he never spoke about him. Not even to Kennedy, or Sue. Although Kennedy had always had a sneaky suspicion that ‘I’d Wait For Life’ was about Mark. Gary would never admit that it was.
“The One? Seriously?” Gary said.
“Well do you love him? Or is it just sexual?”
Gary choked. “Um, are you always this brash?”
“Stop being so British.” Robbie said, giving Gary a wink.
“I um… I love him, I do love him.” Gary said the words slowly. It still felt new to say it out loud, new but… good. He squared his shoulders, yeah, he loved him. That was okay; it was okay that he loved him. This was the 21st century after all.
Robbie pulled the car up back outside Gary’s house and turned to him. He laid his hand on Gary’s shoulder.
“I know this is hard, but Mark’s going to be okay… And I want you to know that when you and Mark get together you can totally still tell about the sex, I wont be weird about it or anything.”
“Get out my car.” Gary said shaking his head and opening the door. His feet made crunching noises on the snow as he walked up towards his door. Despite making Gary feel slightly uncomfortable Robbie had lightened his mood. He was still shaking his head and tutting like the British born man he was as he opened the door and walked inside. He walked slowly into the kitchen. It was empty; he supposed Kennedy and Laura were in the lounge.
Walking the window he stared out at his garden. Half eaten food lay around, his stomach lurched as he remembered the way Mark had walked out on him, why had he gotten so angry? Gary ran through their conversation in his head. He didn’t understand what he had said. He rested his elbows on the counter and scrubbed at his tired eyes.
“Gary?”
Gary turned around at the soft sound of Kennedy’s voice. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a messy plait and beside her stood Laura, her brown hair hanging loose. Gary wasn’t sure what it was but Laura always reminded him of Mark, perhaps it was the way she dressed, or the big smile always on her face.
Wordlessly Kennedy and Laura pulled him into a hug.
“We made tea.” Laura said, rubbing at his back.
Pulling the girls as close to him as he could without crushing them Gary said, ‘Thank you, for being here.”
“Come on Gaz, we are your friends.” Kennedy broke away and pressed a warm mug of tea into his hands. “Drink that tea and go to sleep, you will feel better after you have slept.”
Gary smiled. Kennedy was right. He wasn’t surprised. Kennedy was always right.
Laura dragged him to the sofa and made him take off his shoes and coat.
“Get in.” She nodded at the thrown back covers. “And stay there until you have slept.”
Gary got under the warm blankets, his tired joints creaking angrily at him. The second his head hit the pillow he realized how tired he was. His last conscious image was Laura tucking him in. Here he was a grown man being tucked into his bed, he was grateful however as he didn’t think his body had the energy anymore. He could hear sounds around him; Robbie was in the kitchen with the girls. The sound of their voices soothed him and he drifted off to sleep. His dreams were blank, it was like even his own head was tired of thinking and so let him sleep peacefully. He was aware in his unconscious state of the pain that was still twisted in his chest.
He slept in silence for almost 10 hours straight waking only once in a panic. Something was wrong with Mark, he knew something was wrong but in his semi-sleep state he couldn’t remember what it was. Robbie had coached him back to sleep however and once again his world was at peace.
Gary was enjoying the silence around him so much that his body didn’t want to wake up as he could hear his phone chiming. He blinked sleepily against the light. His house sounded quiet except for his phone so he supposed the girls and Robbie had gone home. He could see a note lying on the table scrawled in Laura’s handwriting. He picked up his phone; his hands still slow from sleep.
“Gaz?” Jay’s voice crackled down the line. “Its Jay, listen get down here, he’s awake.”
They had had to wade through the paparazzi lining the streets, microphones thrust at them left, right and centre. The doctors had said a few words earlier saying that Marks condition was stable but not yet out of critical. None of the boys wanted to comment on the situation. The police arrived fairly swiftly to break up the crowds.
“Did you tell him Gaz?” Robbie said, his eyes leaving the road to look over at his friend.
Gary looked down. “No, I couldn’t do it, I want Mark to hear me say it, when… if he wakes up I’ll tell him.”
Robbie nodded quietly. This was not his area of expertise, he was wishing Jason and Howard had driven Gary home now; they’d know exactly what to say. The only thing Robbie could think of was to change the subject.
“Kennedy phoned.”
Gary looked up briefly and for the first time since the accident his green eyes seemed to clear, they almost looked alive again.
“She did?” Kennedy was Gary’s writing partner. For hours they’d sit together weaving words together to create the hits that people know and love.
“Yeah she was worried about you and Mark, says she’s waiting at your house with a mug of tea now and she brought Laura.” Robbie sat back in his chair, slightly please he was the first person to make Gary smile.
Gary rested back against the headrest. “I’m so tired.”
“I know, well when Mark wakes up atleast he’ll be keeping you up all night for good reasons.”
Gary’s eyebrow shot up. “Please tell me you did not just say that.”
“Yeah that was bad wasn’t it? Don’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind though, plus that’s a classic Take That song.” Robbie drummed his fingers on the wheel, humming ‘Up All Night’ as he did so.
Gary shook his head, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter. The pain in his stomach became less, but it was still there, eating away at him. Perhaps after he slept for a while he’d feel better.
“Come on.” Rob said. “Tell me about Mark.”
Gary looked at him again wondering if he had completely lost his mind.
“You know Mark?”
“I know Mark form my point of view, tell me about the Mark you know, when did you know he was ‘The One’?” Robbie grinned. “It will help.”
Gary wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t used to talking about Mark. It felt strange, he thought about Mark but he never spoke about him. Not even to Kennedy, or Sue. Although Kennedy had always had a sneaky suspicion that ‘I’d Wait For Life’ was about Mark. Gary would never admit that it was.
“The One? Seriously?” Gary said.
“Well do you love him? Or is it just sexual?”
Gary choked. “Um, are you always this brash?”
“Stop being so British.” Robbie said, giving Gary a wink.
“I um… I love him, I do love him.” Gary said the words slowly. It still felt new to say it out loud, new but… good. He squared his shoulders, yeah, he loved him. That was okay; it was okay that he loved him. This was the 21st century after all.
Robbie pulled the car up back outside Gary’s house and turned to him. He laid his hand on Gary’s shoulder.
“I know this is hard, but Mark’s going to be okay… And I want you to know that when you and Mark get together you can totally still tell about the sex, I wont be weird about it or anything.”
“Get out my car.” Gary said shaking his head and opening the door. His feet made crunching noises on the snow as he walked up towards his door. Despite making Gary feel slightly uncomfortable Robbie had lightened his mood. He was still shaking his head and tutting like the British born man he was as he opened the door and walked inside. He walked slowly into the kitchen. It was empty; he supposed Kennedy and Laura were in the lounge.
Walking the window he stared out at his garden. Half eaten food lay around, his stomach lurched as he remembered the way Mark had walked out on him, why had he gotten so angry? Gary ran through their conversation in his head. He didn’t understand what he had said. He rested his elbows on the counter and scrubbed at his tired eyes.
“Gary?”
Gary turned around at the soft sound of Kennedy’s voice. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a messy plait and beside her stood Laura, her brown hair hanging loose. Gary wasn’t sure what it was but Laura always reminded him of Mark, perhaps it was the way she dressed, or the big smile always on her face.
Wordlessly Kennedy and Laura pulled him into a hug.
“We made tea.” Laura said, rubbing at his back.
Pulling the girls as close to him as he could without crushing them Gary said, ‘Thank you, for being here.”
“Come on Gaz, we are your friends.” Kennedy broke away and pressed a warm mug of tea into his hands. “Drink that tea and go to sleep, you will feel better after you have slept.”
Gary smiled. Kennedy was right. He wasn’t surprised. Kennedy was always right.
Laura dragged him to the sofa and made him take off his shoes and coat.
“Get in.” She nodded at the thrown back covers. “And stay there until you have slept.”
Gary got under the warm blankets, his tired joints creaking angrily at him. The second his head hit the pillow he realized how tired he was. His last conscious image was Laura tucking him in. Here he was a grown man being tucked into his bed, he was grateful however as he didn’t think his body had the energy anymore. He could hear sounds around him; Robbie was in the kitchen with the girls. The sound of their voices soothed him and he drifted off to sleep. His dreams were blank, it was like even his own head was tired of thinking and so let him sleep peacefully. He was aware in his unconscious state of the pain that was still twisted in his chest.
He slept in silence for almost 10 hours straight waking only once in a panic. Something was wrong with Mark, he knew something was wrong but in his semi-sleep state he couldn’t remember what it was. Robbie had coached him back to sleep however and once again his world was at peace.
Gary was enjoying the silence around him so much that his body didn’t want to wake up as he could hear his phone chiming. He blinked sleepily against the light. His house sounded quiet except for his phone so he supposed the girls and Robbie had gone home. He could see a note lying on the table scrawled in Laura’s handwriting. He picked up his phone; his hands still slow from sleep.
“Gaz?” Jay’s voice crackled down the line. “Its Jay, listen get down here, he’s awake.”
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Chapter Four
Death is quiet. Life is so much louder. Mark didn’t know how long he stayed suspended in his car, nor did it really matter. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears; his eyes were blurred and disorientated. Mark was certain something was wrong, he didn’t know how he’d gotten to where he was now, in the dark and cold, but his legs looked funny and his head felt twisted at the wrong angle. He was not even certain he was awake. His consciences faded in and out, silence was all around him like an all-encompassing blanket, and it was suffocating. Mark wasn’t a doctor, but he knew something was wrong with his lungs, they felt heavy, every breath he drew wasn’t enough. A pressure settled in his skull, he groaned softly as the pressure increased until he was certain his head was going to explode, then darkness. Always the all-encompassing darkness.
Flashing lights danced on the snow around Jason’s feet. Five police cars were parked at all angles at the bottom of Gary’s drive, two paramedic cars had been screeched to a halt where Mark’s car had flown off the road and an ambulance stood, its back doors open whilst the paramedics footprints followed the tire tracks down into the woods.
It had been 2 am when Jason and Howard had decided to call it a night, Chloe had gotten a taxi and Sue had stayed a little longer with Gary. Robbie and Kate had left earlier, giggling with their arms around each other. They hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary as they pulled their car carefully out of the driveway but then Jason had pointed out the tire tracks that veered out into the woods. Through instinct alone they had stopped the car and hurriedly followed the tracks, a flashlight leading the way. They’d spotted Mark’s car almost immediately, the bottom end sticking out of the ditch. Shouting his name they’d rushed to the sides, Mark’s body was crumpled over the wheel, they couldn’t see his face but they were certain his breath had stopped. Swearing almost hysterically they had dialed emergency services, the paramedics told them not to touch Mark’s body until they got there for fear his organs would fail. Then they had arrived in a mass of flashing lights, roaring engines and shouts.
The paramedics kindly asked Howard and Jason to wait by the road with the ambulance and that is where they stood now. Jason had rejected Howard’s attempts to comfort him, but Howard’s arm lay around his waist anyway. They stood in silence, unsure what to say, how to feel. Beside them Gary and Sue stood also in silence. Gary hadn’t uttered a word when they’d told him of the accident, his face had simply… changed. Like he simply didn’t know what to do with the information that Mark had lain close to death at the bottom of his drive whilst they laughed and chatted in the comfort of his home. He should of followed him out, he should of made sure he was okay. It was his fault; Gary knew it was his fault. He wasn’t sure why it was his fault but something in the way Mark had left the house made him know that it had been something he said.
Beside him Sue sniffled back some tears, wiping them on her sleeve. Gary didn’t cry. He wasn’t a crier, neither was Howard or Jason, they all stood with their eyes forward watching, waiting for the paramedics to bring Mark’s body out from the woods to the ambulance. Gary knew if they covered Mark’s face he was dead, but if they didn’t there was hope. There had to be hope. Gary couldn’t even begin to think of the implications if Mark died. The word ‘died’ was like a bad taste in his mouth, he rejected it. It couldn’t be. If Mark died, Gary had already made up his mind that he would die too. He didn’t care if it was the biggest cliché in the world, he didn’t care if a million people had said the same before him and had never carried it out. If Mark died, Gary died; it was as simple as that.
“They’re coming.” Said Howard, they all rushed forward as four paramedics carried a stretcher up the side of the hill. Gary held his breath.
The paramedics maneuvered the stretcher to the side to put it on the ambulance. Gary exhaled. A blanket did not cover marks face. There was hope. However in a way Gary wished he hadn’t seen Mark’s face, it wasn’t the vibrant face he was so used to seeing, so full of life… it was a grey and old looking face covered nearly completely by an oxygen mask and fitted tightly into a neck brace. Bruises covered the one hand Gary could see; it was hanging lifelessly over the side, Gary turned away. He didn’t want to look anymore. Sue wrapped her arms around him.
“He’s going to be okay.” She said in his ear. “He’s going to be okay.” She repeated as if you make certain he heard her.
The ambulance roared into the distance, lights flashing, its piercing siren cutting into the night. A paramedic approached them, his face grave.
“Whats the deal? Is he going to be alright?” Jason asked, his words were flat and cold.
The paramedic looked at them all. “Your from that band right? Take That, my wife’s fan.”
“Perhaps we could discuss your wife’s taste in music after you tell us whether Mark is going to be alright.” Jason’s voice was loud enough to make Sue jump, his teeth were gritted.
The paramedic looked down guiltily. “He took a nasty crash, his ribs were sent into his lungs upon impact and they filled with blood, we are unsure how long he spent without oxygen, but it looks like he spent a while suspended in that car.”
Gary looked away. It looks like he spent a while suspended in that car. If only Gary had bothered to see if he had driven away safely.
“He broke both his legs, with possible spinal and neck strain.” The paramedic tucked his pen back into his pocket. “We are fairly certain his neck is not broken however and damage to his spine looks minimal, as long as his brain was not starved of oxygen for too long, he should recover… but I cannot tell you anything for certain.”
Sue hugged Gary closer and Jason finally accepted Howard’s embrace. Howard held tightly onto Jason’s back.
“We’ll take our car to the hospital, Gary, Sue you ride with the paramedics.” Howard said. His throat hurt as he spoke.
“I’ll take my car.” Gary said quietly. It was the first thing they had all heard him say since the news.
“Sir, with due respect, you are in no space to drive, especially on these roads.” The paramedic said, concern causing his eyebrows to furrow. “Why don’t you and your friend come with me?”
Gary hated the idea of being ferried around and he didn’t much care for the Paramedics patronizing tone. Although he supposed they were right, he wasn’t in any state to drive. Jesus Christ, he had never felt like this before. It was all too much, the situation was suffocating him, he just wanted Mark to be all right, he just wanted to be able to see him smile again. Was that too much to ask?
“Is that too much to fucking ask?” He said out loud to no one in particular.
The paramedic, thinking he was talking to him, looked taken aback. “Of course not, come on, let’s go.”
Gary followed reluctantly, Sue slid in the car beside him. She took his hand. He was grateful for the warmth of her palm on his. He turned to her and buried his face in her neck. Her smell was comforting. Sue stroked his hair like a child all the way there. Her tears falling like raindrops onto the top of his head.
***
Eight hours passed in the hospital without a word from the paramedics. Robbie had arrived three hours ago, his face pinched with grief. Chloe was now also sat with them all. Barely more than one or two words had passed between the friends. Gary sat with his head in his hands, he hadn’t moved for those hours, or slept. His eyes looked bruised and bloodshot from lack of sleep. Sue sat with him. He hadn’t made eye contact with her again since the car but he was grateful for her presence.
The tip tapping sound of a surgeons shoe broke through the silence. The only other noise was the sound of paparazzi outside. They had all thus far refused to make a statement as to Mark’s condition.
They all looked up as the doctor entered the room, a clipboard held to his chest.
“He’s still alive.” The doctor said plainly. “But we had to induce him into a coma from which we are unsure when he will awaken, he had a lucky escape but he could be in here for a while.”
“Can we see him?” Gary said, hardly recognizing his own voice for its hoarseness.
The doctor nodded. “Yes I’ll show you the way.”
“I don’t want to see him yet.” Jason said, chewing on the side of his thumb.
“I’ll stay with you.” Howard said.
“You go Gary.” Sue said, rubbing his arm. “You see him, I think you need to.”
Gary stood slowly. “Will he be able to hear me?”
“That I cannot answer.” The doctor said. “Sometimes they can hear you, sometimes they cant, it is most likely even if they do hear you the wont remember what was said.”
Jason stood up and grabbed Gary’s shoulder unexpectedly. “You’ve got to tell him, tell him how you feel, if he can hear you or not you have to say something, because if he… if he… if he dies without knowing you’ll never fucking forgive yourself.” His words were choked with emotion.
Something wet and cold was crawling down Gary’s chin. He lifted his fingers and touched the moisture. Tears. He had always wondered what would make him cry. Jason looked him dead in the eye.
“Tell him.” He said once more, before sitting back down next to Howard.
The doctor cleared his throat. “This way.”
Gary followed the doctor down the long white halls. God how he hated hospitals, how he hated the sickly sweet smell of death that lingered around. He hated the sense of pain that drifted from every heavy white door. They moved into intensive care and that sense of dread settled in Gary’s stomach.
They stopped at the end of the hall.
“I’ll leave you alone, ring the bell if there are any problems.” With that the doctor left.
Gary stood with his hand on the door handle. He had often thought about how he would tell Mark how he felt about him. He had never imagined he would do it like this, as Mark perched on the edge of death. He imagined he’d tell him over a romantic dinner. He fished in his pocket and pulled out the letter he hadn’t finished reading earlier. He took it and ripped it to pieces, he didn’t care if Mark didn’t love him back. Mark had to know how he felt because Jason was right; Gary couldn’t let Mark die without ever knowing the truth. Nothings ever how you imagine it to be.
Gary pushed the door open and looked down at the figure that lay on the bed. Mark’s face was pale, lifeless, small tubes ran from his nose and electrodes were strapped to his chest measuring his heartbeat. Gary watched his chest rise and fall unevenly and felt sick all over again.
Slowly he sat down in the seat next to the bed.
“Mark.” His voice cracked with emotion. He steadied himself. “I cried today… I don’t cry… I don’t ever cry. I cried at the thought that I’d never see you smile again. But then there is something special about you. The truth is… What the truth really is… what I feel is.” Splotches of wet appeared on his t-shirt, the tears that fell fresh from his eyes surprised him as much as the previous ones had. “What I want to tell you is… For fuck sake!” Gary exclaimed standing from his chair and pounding his fist on the wall. Why couldn’t he tell him? Why the fuck couldn’t he just tell him?
“I just want to tell you…” He sat back down, not recognizing his own chocked voice. “Fucking hell I just want to tell you something, I want you to be okay and I want to tell you… I fucking need you to be okay so I can talk to you. Please, I swear I’ll tell you if you wake up. I swear.” He let his head drop back down in defeat.
If Gary had of lifted his head just then, he would of seen Marks fingers curl, or even if he had read the letter which would of told him Mark loved him to. But then we never do, do we? We never see what is right in front of us.
Flashing lights danced on the snow around Jason’s feet. Five police cars were parked at all angles at the bottom of Gary’s drive, two paramedic cars had been screeched to a halt where Mark’s car had flown off the road and an ambulance stood, its back doors open whilst the paramedics footprints followed the tire tracks down into the woods.
It had been 2 am when Jason and Howard had decided to call it a night, Chloe had gotten a taxi and Sue had stayed a little longer with Gary. Robbie and Kate had left earlier, giggling with their arms around each other. They hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary as they pulled their car carefully out of the driveway but then Jason had pointed out the tire tracks that veered out into the woods. Through instinct alone they had stopped the car and hurriedly followed the tracks, a flashlight leading the way. They’d spotted Mark’s car almost immediately, the bottom end sticking out of the ditch. Shouting his name they’d rushed to the sides, Mark’s body was crumpled over the wheel, they couldn’t see his face but they were certain his breath had stopped. Swearing almost hysterically they had dialed emergency services, the paramedics told them not to touch Mark’s body until they got there for fear his organs would fail. Then they had arrived in a mass of flashing lights, roaring engines and shouts.
The paramedics kindly asked Howard and Jason to wait by the road with the ambulance and that is where they stood now. Jason had rejected Howard’s attempts to comfort him, but Howard’s arm lay around his waist anyway. They stood in silence, unsure what to say, how to feel. Beside them Gary and Sue stood also in silence. Gary hadn’t uttered a word when they’d told him of the accident, his face had simply… changed. Like he simply didn’t know what to do with the information that Mark had lain close to death at the bottom of his drive whilst they laughed and chatted in the comfort of his home. He should of followed him out, he should of made sure he was okay. It was his fault; Gary knew it was his fault. He wasn’t sure why it was his fault but something in the way Mark had left the house made him know that it had been something he said.
Beside him Sue sniffled back some tears, wiping them on her sleeve. Gary didn’t cry. He wasn’t a crier, neither was Howard or Jason, they all stood with their eyes forward watching, waiting for the paramedics to bring Mark’s body out from the woods to the ambulance. Gary knew if they covered Mark’s face he was dead, but if they didn’t there was hope. There had to be hope. Gary couldn’t even begin to think of the implications if Mark died. The word ‘died’ was like a bad taste in his mouth, he rejected it. It couldn’t be. If Mark died, Gary had already made up his mind that he would die too. He didn’t care if it was the biggest cliché in the world, he didn’t care if a million people had said the same before him and had never carried it out. If Mark died, Gary died; it was as simple as that.
“They’re coming.” Said Howard, they all rushed forward as four paramedics carried a stretcher up the side of the hill. Gary held his breath.
The paramedics maneuvered the stretcher to the side to put it on the ambulance. Gary exhaled. A blanket did not cover marks face. There was hope. However in a way Gary wished he hadn’t seen Mark’s face, it wasn’t the vibrant face he was so used to seeing, so full of life… it was a grey and old looking face covered nearly completely by an oxygen mask and fitted tightly into a neck brace. Bruises covered the one hand Gary could see; it was hanging lifelessly over the side, Gary turned away. He didn’t want to look anymore. Sue wrapped her arms around him.
“He’s going to be okay.” She said in his ear. “He’s going to be okay.” She repeated as if you make certain he heard her.
The ambulance roared into the distance, lights flashing, its piercing siren cutting into the night. A paramedic approached them, his face grave.
“Whats the deal? Is he going to be alright?” Jason asked, his words were flat and cold.
The paramedic looked at them all. “Your from that band right? Take That, my wife’s fan.”
“Perhaps we could discuss your wife’s taste in music after you tell us whether Mark is going to be alright.” Jason’s voice was loud enough to make Sue jump, his teeth were gritted.
The paramedic looked down guiltily. “He took a nasty crash, his ribs were sent into his lungs upon impact and they filled with blood, we are unsure how long he spent without oxygen, but it looks like he spent a while suspended in that car.”
Gary looked away. It looks like he spent a while suspended in that car. If only Gary had bothered to see if he had driven away safely.
“He broke both his legs, with possible spinal and neck strain.” The paramedic tucked his pen back into his pocket. “We are fairly certain his neck is not broken however and damage to his spine looks minimal, as long as his brain was not starved of oxygen for too long, he should recover… but I cannot tell you anything for certain.”
Sue hugged Gary closer and Jason finally accepted Howard’s embrace. Howard held tightly onto Jason’s back.
“We’ll take our car to the hospital, Gary, Sue you ride with the paramedics.” Howard said. His throat hurt as he spoke.
“I’ll take my car.” Gary said quietly. It was the first thing they had all heard him say since the news.
“Sir, with due respect, you are in no space to drive, especially on these roads.” The paramedic said, concern causing his eyebrows to furrow. “Why don’t you and your friend come with me?”
Gary hated the idea of being ferried around and he didn’t much care for the Paramedics patronizing tone. Although he supposed they were right, he wasn’t in any state to drive. Jesus Christ, he had never felt like this before. It was all too much, the situation was suffocating him, he just wanted Mark to be all right, he just wanted to be able to see him smile again. Was that too much to ask?
“Is that too much to fucking ask?” He said out loud to no one in particular.
The paramedic, thinking he was talking to him, looked taken aback. “Of course not, come on, let’s go.”
Gary followed reluctantly, Sue slid in the car beside him. She took his hand. He was grateful for the warmth of her palm on his. He turned to her and buried his face in her neck. Her smell was comforting. Sue stroked his hair like a child all the way there. Her tears falling like raindrops onto the top of his head.
***
Eight hours passed in the hospital without a word from the paramedics. Robbie had arrived three hours ago, his face pinched with grief. Chloe was now also sat with them all. Barely more than one or two words had passed between the friends. Gary sat with his head in his hands, he hadn’t moved for those hours, or slept. His eyes looked bruised and bloodshot from lack of sleep. Sue sat with him. He hadn’t made eye contact with her again since the car but he was grateful for her presence.
The tip tapping sound of a surgeons shoe broke through the silence. The only other noise was the sound of paparazzi outside. They had all thus far refused to make a statement as to Mark’s condition.
They all looked up as the doctor entered the room, a clipboard held to his chest.
“He’s still alive.” The doctor said plainly. “But we had to induce him into a coma from which we are unsure when he will awaken, he had a lucky escape but he could be in here for a while.”
“Can we see him?” Gary said, hardly recognizing his own voice for its hoarseness.
The doctor nodded. “Yes I’ll show you the way.”
“I don’t want to see him yet.” Jason said, chewing on the side of his thumb.
“I’ll stay with you.” Howard said.
“You go Gary.” Sue said, rubbing his arm. “You see him, I think you need to.”
Gary stood slowly. “Will he be able to hear me?”
“That I cannot answer.” The doctor said. “Sometimes they can hear you, sometimes they cant, it is most likely even if they do hear you the wont remember what was said.”
Jason stood up and grabbed Gary’s shoulder unexpectedly. “You’ve got to tell him, tell him how you feel, if he can hear you or not you have to say something, because if he… if he… if he dies without knowing you’ll never fucking forgive yourself.” His words were choked with emotion.
Something wet and cold was crawling down Gary’s chin. He lifted his fingers and touched the moisture. Tears. He had always wondered what would make him cry. Jason looked him dead in the eye.
“Tell him.” He said once more, before sitting back down next to Howard.
The doctor cleared his throat. “This way.”
Gary followed the doctor down the long white halls. God how he hated hospitals, how he hated the sickly sweet smell of death that lingered around. He hated the sense of pain that drifted from every heavy white door. They moved into intensive care and that sense of dread settled in Gary’s stomach.
They stopped at the end of the hall.
“I’ll leave you alone, ring the bell if there are any problems.” With that the doctor left.
Gary stood with his hand on the door handle. He had often thought about how he would tell Mark how he felt about him. He had never imagined he would do it like this, as Mark perched on the edge of death. He imagined he’d tell him over a romantic dinner. He fished in his pocket and pulled out the letter he hadn’t finished reading earlier. He took it and ripped it to pieces, he didn’t care if Mark didn’t love him back. Mark had to know how he felt because Jason was right; Gary couldn’t let Mark die without ever knowing the truth. Nothings ever how you imagine it to be.
Gary pushed the door open and looked down at the figure that lay on the bed. Mark’s face was pale, lifeless, small tubes ran from his nose and electrodes were strapped to his chest measuring his heartbeat. Gary watched his chest rise and fall unevenly and felt sick all over again.
Slowly he sat down in the seat next to the bed.
“Mark.” His voice cracked with emotion. He steadied himself. “I cried today… I don’t cry… I don’t ever cry. I cried at the thought that I’d never see you smile again. But then there is something special about you. The truth is… What the truth really is… what I feel is.” Splotches of wet appeared on his t-shirt, the tears that fell fresh from his eyes surprised him as much as the previous ones had. “What I want to tell you is… For fuck sake!” Gary exclaimed standing from his chair and pounding his fist on the wall. Why couldn’t he tell him? Why the fuck couldn’t he just tell him?
“I just want to tell you…” He sat back down, not recognizing his own chocked voice. “Fucking hell I just want to tell you something, I want you to be okay and I want to tell you… I fucking need you to be okay so I can talk to you. Please, I swear I’ll tell you if you wake up. I swear.” He let his head drop back down in defeat.
If Gary had of lifted his head just then, he would of seen Marks fingers curl, or even if he had read the letter which would of told him Mark loved him to. But then we never do, do we? We never see what is right in front of us.
Monday, 6 February 2012
Chapter 3
Mark jumped at the sound spilling his tea onto his lap.
"Fuck." He said, wiping it with his hands. "Sorry."
Gary laughed. "No worries, I'll get you a cloth."
Gary chucked Mark a cloth as he left the room to get the door. Mark dabbed at his lap, the tea had definitely scorched his skin, that was going to leave a mark. Muttering curses under his breath, he slid off his chair to put the cloth by the sink. Whoever had rung the doorbell had awful timing. Mark set his elbows on the counter and rubbed his face with his hands. What was he doing? He could ruin everything he had with Gaz, their friendship could potentially be over and that could damage the band. Would he be able to put the band in joepardy just to act on his desires? He stared out the window at the stretch of land before him, white as white, pure, untainted. He'd be hated surely by the fans, who would blame him for the bands demise. Would be still be able to hang out with the guys without Gary? Or would they break away from him. Take Three. A sick feeling settled in his belly, theres a struggle between desire and expectations. People expect him to be happy, jolly Mark who would never act so rashly around his feelings, putting everything in danger of collapsing, but he desired to be with Gary. To touch him, to hold him, to love-
"It was only the post." Gary said, returning with his hands full of letters. He set them on the table and began to sift through them. "Were you going to tell me something?" Gary's green eyes found Marks.
"No." Mark said, turning around to face him. "Its nothing." Perhaps the post had come at exactly the right time.
Gary looked at him for a while. Mark looked troubled he thought... maybe he'd seen the way Gary had looked at him and sussed it out. Gary swallowed. It would be hard if Mark knew how he felt, it could ruin everything. Gary forced his eyes onto the post before him.
"The guys are coming over in a minute, Robbie, Howard, Jason, Chloe, some girl Robbie picked up called Kate and I invited Sue." Gary said, sliding his thumb under the lip of the first envelope and pulling out its contents.
Mark smiled. He liked Sue. She was everso sweet. He knew Gary really valued her as a friend. He could see why, they were quite alike. He supposed Kate must be the waitress from the cafe.
"Bill... Bill... fan mail." Gary raised is eyebrows, it was rare fan mail made it to his house, usually he went and read it at the office after it had been sorted through. He opened the envelope carefully. Mark walked up behind him and looked over his shoulder.
Dear Gary,
I know this has reached your house, and that this will surprise you, but this is important and I had to make sure you read it.
Gary read the first few lines and quickly scrumpled up the letter.
"Whats wrong?" Mark asked, confused. "I only got to read 'Dear Gary'."
Gary slumped with relief. Mark hadnt seen the rest of the letter. "Oh nothing, just a bit of hate mail really." Gary regretted lieing the second the words were out his mouth.
Mark looked disgusted. "Jesus why people take the time out of their day to tell someone they hate them I will never understand."
Gary swallowed. It wasnt hate mail. It had said something quite different. The doorbell rang again, this time making Gary jump.
Marl laughed. "Christ look at us, jumping half a mile everytime the door goes, I expect thats the guys."
Gary tried to calm his racing heart. "Tell them to go in the lounge will you, I'll be in in a minute."
Mark looked at Gary, concern tracing his features. "Its just a bit of hate mail Gaz, dont take it personally."
"I wont... I dont... I just..." Gary stopped, lost for what to say.
"Everyone loves you Gaz, your a stand up guy." Mark clasped Gary's shoulder briefly and then left the room.
Gary waited until he was out the room before reopening the letter.
Dear Gary,
I know this has reached your house, and that this will surprise you, but this is important and I had to make sure you read it.
Listen, I know. I know how you feel, I know how you feel about Mark. And I also know how he feels about you. In this letter I'm going to tell you how Mark feels about you and I want you to act according to what I tell you, its time you two worked it out.
So here it is the tell all and reveal all with conclusive evidence to show you that Mark-
Gary crumpled up the letter again. He didnt need to be told what he already knew. The letter would tell him Mark didnt feel the same way and that Gary should just give up. Thats what it would say and Gary just didnt want to hear that. Maybe soon he would have the courage to read the rest of the letter, maybe hearing it said to him that Mark definitely does not and will never love him back will held him get over Mark.
Bloody hell, why was everything so bloody complicated?
"Gaz?" Jason was stood in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest.
"Jay." Gary said, smiling and standing. "I um... made some food, I'll bring it in."
"You okay?" Jay said taking a step towards his friend.
"Of course, just Mark stuff." Gary pulled a tray of food out of his oven and walked into the lounge.
Jason rolled his eyes. Everyone but Gary and Mark knew how they felt about each other, but he made damned sure no one told them because he felt it necessary they figure it out for themselves, it would be better for them in the long run. It was however taking longer than any of them had ever anticipated but Jason remained adamant that they should do the figuring themselves. Bloody hell if they'd just figure it out perhaps it would relieve some of the sexual tension the rest of them had to wade through at band meetings.
Jason went back into the lounge. They were all sat in a circle chatting away, Robbie's arm was thrown around an attractive young girl he supposed was Kate, Sue was perched on Gary's lap, Mark was sat with Chloe and Howard.
Howard looked up with a smile as Jason sat down next to him.
"So guys," Gary started, his arm round Sue's waist. "Speaking more seriously about stuff, the new album, if anyones got any lyrics then email me them and I think we should all meet soon and discuss which way we are going to go with this album."
"Sue, please hit Gary and tell him this is a social event where we will not be discussing business." Howard said grinning.
"Gary, this is a social event, we are not discussing business." Sue grinned and hit him playfully on the shoulder.
Gary held up his hands in mock surrender. "Fine."
The group laughed. "Its not business its what we love doing, but for now we will put it aside until tomorrow and spend the time getting to know our new arrival." Mark said turning to Kate.
The whole tray of food and mugs of tea all round and Gary found himself back in the kitchen whipping up something else to eat. Mark came in laughing at something Howard had said. He paused in the doorway.
"Just um... getting more food." Gary said holding up his spoon with which he had been mixing a dip.
Mark nodded. "Sounds good."
Silence fell over them. Mark couldn't help but notice that the lounge had gone pretty quiet as well. He swallowed suddenly feeling ridiculously uncomfortable. Perhaps he should just go. He was tired anyway, especially if they were having a band meeting the next day, those things were always hard work. He loved them though, hard work and all, Take That was everything to Mark, his fans, the band, the guys, the songs, the lyrics, it was his life and he loved every minute.
"I was thinking of heading off." Mark said, placing his empty cup in the sink.
"Okay, see you tomorrow mate." Gary said.
"Yeah." Mark replied, shouldering his coat and walking out into the night. Mate. Thats what he was. Just a mate. Nothing more. A mate. Suddenly frustrated he shoved his hands in his pocket and got into his car. Reving the engine he pulled out of the icy driveway. His fingers curled around the wheel until his knuckles were white, he pushed down on the accelerator. The car jerked as it hit the road. Mark had been so busy thinking about what Gary had said he'd almost forgotten about the ice and snow, the wheels of his car found no grip as they hit the ice covered tarmac. Mark slammed on the breaks but it was too late.
The world slowed. His car spun off to the right, tipping dangerously and then the car was plunged into the darkness surrounding the road. It hurtled through the surrounding woodlands before plunging into a nearby ditch. Mark drew up his arms in a panicked attempt to protect his head and his world was reduced to darkness.
"Fuck." He said, wiping it with his hands. "Sorry."
Gary laughed. "No worries, I'll get you a cloth."
Gary chucked Mark a cloth as he left the room to get the door. Mark dabbed at his lap, the tea had definitely scorched his skin, that was going to leave a mark. Muttering curses under his breath, he slid off his chair to put the cloth by the sink. Whoever had rung the doorbell had awful timing. Mark set his elbows on the counter and rubbed his face with his hands. What was he doing? He could ruin everything he had with Gaz, their friendship could potentially be over and that could damage the band. Would he be able to put the band in joepardy just to act on his desires? He stared out the window at the stretch of land before him, white as white, pure, untainted. He'd be hated surely by the fans, who would blame him for the bands demise. Would be still be able to hang out with the guys without Gary? Or would they break away from him. Take Three. A sick feeling settled in his belly, theres a struggle between desire and expectations. People expect him to be happy, jolly Mark who would never act so rashly around his feelings, putting everything in danger of collapsing, but he desired to be with Gary. To touch him, to hold him, to love-
"It was only the post." Gary said, returning with his hands full of letters. He set them on the table and began to sift through them. "Were you going to tell me something?" Gary's green eyes found Marks.
"No." Mark said, turning around to face him. "Its nothing." Perhaps the post had come at exactly the right time.
Gary looked at him for a while. Mark looked troubled he thought... maybe he'd seen the way Gary had looked at him and sussed it out. Gary swallowed. It would be hard if Mark knew how he felt, it could ruin everything. Gary forced his eyes onto the post before him.
"The guys are coming over in a minute, Robbie, Howard, Jason, Chloe, some girl Robbie picked up called Kate and I invited Sue." Gary said, sliding his thumb under the lip of the first envelope and pulling out its contents.
Mark smiled. He liked Sue. She was everso sweet. He knew Gary really valued her as a friend. He could see why, they were quite alike. He supposed Kate must be the waitress from the cafe.
"Bill... Bill... fan mail." Gary raised is eyebrows, it was rare fan mail made it to his house, usually he went and read it at the office after it had been sorted through. He opened the envelope carefully. Mark walked up behind him and looked over his shoulder.
Dear Gary,
I know this has reached your house, and that this will surprise you, but this is important and I had to make sure you read it.
Gary read the first few lines and quickly scrumpled up the letter.
"Whats wrong?" Mark asked, confused. "I only got to read 'Dear Gary'."
Gary slumped with relief. Mark hadnt seen the rest of the letter. "Oh nothing, just a bit of hate mail really." Gary regretted lieing the second the words were out his mouth.
Mark looked disgusted. "Jesus why people take the time out of their day to tell someone they hate them I will never understand."
Gary swallowed. It wasnt hate mail. It had said something quite different. The doorbell rang again, this time making Gary jump.
Marl laughed. "Christ look at us, jumping half a mile everytime the door goes, I expect thats the guys."
Gary tried to calm his racing heart. "Tell them to go in the lounge will you, I'll be in in a minute."
Mark looked at Gary, concern tracing his features. "Its just a bit of hate mail Gaz, dont take it personally."
"I wont... I dont... I just..." Gary stopped, lost for what to say.
"Everyone loves you Gaz, your a stand up guy." Mark clasped Gary's shoulder briefly and then left the room.
Gary waited until he was out the room before reopening the letter.
Dear Gary,
I know this has reached your house, and that this will surprise you, but this is important and I had to make sure you read it.
Listen, I know. I know how you feel, I know how you feel about Mark. And I also know how he feels about you. In this letter I'm going to tell you how Mark feels about you and I want you to act according to what I tell you, its time you two worked it out.
So here it is the tell all and reveal all with conclusive evidence to show you that Mark-
Gary crumpled up the letter again. He didnt need to be told what he already knew. The letter would tell him Mark didnt feel the same way and that Gary should just give up. Thats what it would say and Gary just didnt want to hear that. Maybe soon he would have the courage to read the rest of the letter, maybe hearing it said to him that Mark definitely does not and will never love him back will held him get over Mark.
Bloody hell, why was everything so bloody complicated?
"Gaz?" Jason was stood in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest.
"Jay." Gary said, smiling and standing. "I um... made some food, I'll bring it in."
"You okay?" Jay said taking a step towards his friend.
"Of course, just Mark stuff." Gary pulled a tray of food out of his oven and walked into the lounge.
Jason rolled his eyes. Everyone but Gary and Mark knew how they felt about each other, but he made damned sure no one told them because he felt it necessary they figure it out for themselves, it would be better for them in the long run. It was however taking longer than any of them had ever anticipated but Jason remained adamant that they should do the figuring themselves. Bloody hell if they'd just figure it out perhaps it would relieve some of the sexual tension the rest of them had to wade through at band meetings.
Jason went back into the lounge. They were all sat in a circle chatting away, Robbie's arm was thrown around an attractive young girl he supposed was Kate, Sue was perched on Gary's lap, Mark was sat with Chloe and Howard.
Howard looked up with a smile as Jason sat down next to him.
"So guys," Gary started, his arm round Sue's waist. "Speaking more seriously about stuff, the new album, if anyones got any lyrics then email me them and I think we should all meet soon and discuss which way we are going to go with this album."
"Sue, please hit Gary and tell him this is a social event where we will not be discussing business." Howard said grinning.
"Gary, this is a social event, we are not discussing business." Sue grinned and hit him playfully on the shoulder.
Gary held up his hands in mock surrender. "Fine."
The group laughed. "Its not business its what we love doing, but for now we will put it aside until tomorrow and spend the time getting to know our new arrival." Mark said turning to Kate.
The whole tray of food and mugs of tea all round and Gary found himself back in the kitchen whipping up something else to eat. Mark came in laughing at something Howard had said. He paused in the doorway.
"Just um... getting more food." Gary said holding up his spoon with which he had been mixing a dip.
Mark nodded. "Sounds good."
Silence fell over them. Mark couldn't help but notice that the lounge had gone pretty quiet as well. He swallowed suddenly feeling ridiculously uncomfortable. Perhaps he should just go. He was tired anyway, especially if they were having a band meeting the next day, those things were always hard work. He loved them though, hard work and all, Take That was everything to Mark, his fans, the band, the guys, the songs, the lyrics, it was his life and he loved every minute.
"I was thinking of heading off." Mark said, placing his empty cup in the sink.
"Okay, see you tomorrow mate." Gary said.
"Yeah." Mark replied, shouldering his coat and walking out into the night. Mate. Thats what he was. Just a mate. Nothing more. A mate. Suddenly frustrated he shoved his hands in his pocket and got into his car. Reving the engine he pulled out of the icy driveway. His fingers curled around the wheel until his knuckles were white, he pushed down on the accelerator. The car jerked as it hit the road. Mark had been so busy thinking about what Gary had said he'd almost forgotten about the ice and snow, the wheels of his car found no grip as they hit the ice covered tarmac. Mark slammed on the breaks but it was too late.
The world slowed. His car spun off to the right, tipping dangerously and then the car was plunged into the darkness surrounding the road. It hurtled through the surrounding woodlands before plunging into a nearby ditch. Mark drew up his arms in a panicked attempt to protect his head and his world was reduced to darkness.
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Chapter 2
“Mark?” Robbie said, his dark eyebrows raised. Mark’s soft features were pulled into a frown.
It was strange seeing Mark upset; he always had such a beautiful smile. Robbie wondered if Mark saved his smiles for Gary and his fans of course. Mark loved his fans more than anything. They are the reason we’re here, he always said. Robbie agreed, his Friendlies were really something else, one of the reasons he had pulled himself out of alcoholism. He couldn’t let them down.
“Its nothing… its um… I don’t know.” Mark dragged his hand through his hair heaving an exasperated sigh. “I wrote Gaz an email last night… telling him everything… How I feel… But I didn’t send it… at least I didn’t think I had until I received this.”
Mark held up his phone.
We need to talk.
My house?
Gaz
Panic laced Mark’s voice. He didn’t feel ready… he didn’t want to talk to Gary about how he felt yet, it was too… oh god, it was too important, too complicated. Mark didn’t want to sound to eager; maybe Gary would want to take it slow… Mark was already totally in love with him but what if Gary needed time? Or worse, what if he didn’t love him back?
“You should go.” Robbie said draining the last drops of his coffee. “If it was something serious why would Gaz have signed it ‘Gaz’, surely he would have used his ‘serious talk’ name… Grumpy Gary.” Robbie grinned.
Mark smiled weakly. Robbie always had a joke up his sleeve to lighten the conversation, it was one of the reasons Mark loved him so much, Gaz, Howard and Jason could all be so intense. Which wasn’t a bad thing but talking to Robbie was always so light and enjoyable.
“Jesus Christ.” Mark said. “I suppose your right, what else would he want to talk about?”
Robbie drummed his fingers on the table. “Um... new album? New lyrics? Perhaps he’s invested in some new mugs.”
A laugh forced its way out of Mark’s lips. He’d never forget the day they had all received a very formal email from Gaz, ordering them all around to his house. They had all fretted about it on the journey there, thinking Gary was seriously ill… or leaving the band. However when they’d all crashed through the door, panic in their eyes it was to find that Gaz had spent the day painting their names on mugs and he wanted to know what they thought. After hitting him a few times over the head for making them all so worried, they had indeed admitted that the mugs were very well done.
“Lets hope so.” Mark said. “Sorry I have to cut our coffee date short.”
Robbie held up a hand. “No worries Markie, I’ve got things to do and people to see… apparently I’m some kind of star now.”
Pocketing his phone Mark made to leave. Robbie stopped him.
“Mark… he does care about you, you know.” Robbie said, sincerity shining in his eyes.
It was rare that Robbie would talk so seriously but when he did it was always at the right time. Mark patted his arm.
“Thanks man.”
“You never know.” Robbie called after him. “Perhaps he’s waiting for you wearing nothing but a mug right now!”
A few heads turned in surprise and Mark flipped him the finger. Robbie grinned. He loved it really. He held up his hand to the surprised customers.
“Sorry guys and gals.”
The heads turned back, a few people muttering under their breath. Kate was behind the counter laughing, Robbie winked at her again. He loved a girl with a sense of humour. Turning the card with her number over in his hands he decided he definitely would ring her. Perhaps even later this evening. Which reminded him, he needed to call Howard and Jason, perhaps they would like to go out that night if they weren’t too busy.
***
Mark was already half the way to Gaz’s when it started to snow; thousands of tiny flakes began to fall on his windscreen. Already trees were starting to whiten and the grass was coated in a soft blanket. Mark slowed down his car, the last thing he needed was to go flying off the road. Mark hit his i-Pod play button and turned up the stereo. The first chords of ‘The Scientist’ filled the car. Mark smiled, how fitting.
Come up to meet you…
Tell you I need you,
You don’t know how lovely you are…
Mark wasn’t soppy by nature, he left that to Gaz, but something about this song made a hollow ache set in the top of his stomach. He drove past sign after sign advertising Valentines Day. He knew exactly what he’d get Gaz if they were together; he’d seen them in Waitrose. Big heart shaped mugs filled with chocolate, well that would be his silly present… for his serious present Mark would get him some pedals, if he could find any Gaz didn’t already have.
Nobody said it was easy…
No one ever said it would be this hard…
Oh, take me back to the start…
The road was strangely quiet, perhaps due to the snow. Mark enjoyed some peace sometimes. Being famous was such a whirlwind; sometimes he barely had time to eat. Jason was always on his case about eating more, Mark smiled again, he was only little after all. Food didn’t appeal so much to him like it did to Gaz. Gaz remembered places he’d been simply because of the food. The village in Germany that did the best doughnuts, the bakery in Spain that made baguettes to die for, the Chinese in London that Gaz had once said he’d happily trade in his own leg for some of their duck pancakes.
Questions of science,
Do not speak as loud as my heart…
Cutting through the dulcet tones of Chris Martin, Mark’s phone began to ring, hitting the loud speaker he said –
“Hello?”
“Markie!” Chloe’s voice chirped in his ear.
“Chlo.” Mark said smiling despite himself. “Whats up?”
Chloe was a good friend of Jason’s and now of Howard, she was often at their house helping with routines or having a glass of wine with them.
“Jay and I were wondering if you wanted to come over, Howard’s gone to see his daughters for a while.”
“I’d love to, but I’m just off to see Gary.”
Chloe paused on the other end of the phone. “Oh yeah.” She said, innuendo lining her words. “Business or pleasure?”
Marks fingers tingled and he was shocked to find that he blushed. Bloody hell, what on earth was wrong with him?
“I have no idea, I can only dream it’s the latter.”
“Yeah you bloody do as well, have I ever mentioned you talk in your sleep? Or do you always compare Gary’s eyes to freshly cut grass whilst you’re awake?” Chloe loved to tease Mark about his infatuation, she found it quite adorable.
“Very funny.” Mark said. “Look I’ll drop by later okay?”
“Sounds good, you’ll have to tell us all about your date with the Sex God then.”
“I have never called him that.” Mark laughed.
“Yeah not whilst your awake.” Chloe said. “Over and out Markie boy, see you later.”
The phone clicked. Mark shook his head, if there was one thing Chloe was not, it was reserved. Chris Martin filled the car once again.
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part…
By the time Mark pulled into Gary’s driveway the house and its gardens had been turned into a winter wonderland, Mark squinted his eyes to park his car and wrapping his coat around him he swung his door open. Dashing as fast as the slippery snow would allow him he knocked upon the heavy wooden door at the front.
Gary opened the door with a huge lopsided grin on his face and Mark’s shoulders sagged with relief, it couldn’t be bad news if he was smiling so much. That means Mark had definitely not sent the email he had started last night.
“Markie.” Gary drawled in his low voice.
Mark took in his appearance, he was wearing a suit but he’d discarded the jacket. His tie hung loose around his throat and his shirt was untucked in some places around his waist. Bloody hell, thought Mark, did he do this to him on purpose?
“Come in.” Gary said, stepping aside. “You’re getting snowed on.”
Mark stepped onto Gary’s front door mat and made his way into the hall, shaking off his coat as he did. It struck him that he hadn’t actually said anything to Gary yet.
“So whats up?” Mark said settling down at Gary’s kitchen table, two steaming mugs of tea sat in front of him.
Gary sat down opposite him. “Oh nothing major, I’ve written some lyrics and I wanted to see what you thought, it’s just a chorus really but have a look.” Gary handed Mark a piece of paper, it was heavily scribbled on but Mark could still work out the words.
Show me the way,
Help me to say, all that I want to,
All that I needed you gave me,
All that I wanted you made me,
When I stumbled, you saved me…
Mark fingered the paper lightly. It was beautiful. No surprises there then.
“Its good Gaz, really good.” He nodded his head appreciatively.
“Thank you.” Mark was rewarded with a smile as Gary took the paper back off him. “Its not finished yet, I need to work on the verses.”
Mark took a gulp of tea.
“Perhaps we should go out with Jay and Howard tonight, see what they think.” Gary pondered, taking a mouthful of tea as well.
“Chloe mentioned us all getting together, I think Rob wanted to tag along as well.”
“Oh yeah?” Gary grinned. “His bed empty for tonight was it?”
“I doubt it, I saw him eyeing up an attractive waitress just as I joined him for coffee.”
Gary shook his head laughing. “He is relentless.” Robbie had always had a way with women, it had astounded Gary that every time he saw him a different woman hung off the crook of his elbow. Taking another sip of his tea Gary eyed Mark from above the brim of his cup. Mark’s eyes met his but he looked away hastily. Gary sighed inwardly; perhaps Mark didn’t know what the sight of him in his short-sleeved t-shirt, despite the weather, did to Gary. He can’t know or surely he wouldn’t wear them all the time. Gary took another hasty gulp of tea, his mouth suddenly dry.
“You’ve got some snow on you.” Gary said reaching forward and brushing it off Mark’s shoulder. Mark cleared his throat, his heart hammering.
“Um thank you… yeah the um… weather is a nightmare out there.” He said nervously.
Gary took back his hand, the tips of his fingers tingling.
“I dunno, I like the snow.” Gary said smiling.
Mark placed his empty cup on the table; Gary’s eyes were still smiling at him. Mark figured they wouldn’t have long before they would have to go and meet the others… perhaps he should just tell him. Just right now, tell Gary how he felt… perhaps he would feel the same… or perhaps he would break Mark’s heart, but anything had to be better than not knowing right? You only live once. You can spend all your time in love with someone and never tell them, but you’ll never know how they feel about you, even if they break you atleast then you can move on. Mark cleared his throat again… this was it. He took a deep breath, here goes…
“Gary…” He started.
Then the doorbell rang.
It was strange seeing Mark upset; he always had such a beautiful smile. Robbie wondered if Mark saved his smiles for Gary and his fans of course. Mark loved his fans more than anything. They are the reason we’re here, he always said. Robbie agreed, his Friendlies were really something else, one of the reasons he had pulled himself out of alcoholism. He couldn’t let them down.
“Its nothing… its um… I don’t know.” Mark dragged his hand through his hair heaving an exasperated sigh. “I wrote Gaz an email last night… telling him everything… How I feel… But I didn’t send it… at least I didn’t think I had until I received this.”
Mark held up his phone.
We need to talk.
My house?
Gaz
Panic laced Mark’s voice. He didn’t feel ready… he didn’t want to talk to Gary about how he felt yet, it was too… oh god, it was too important, too complicated. Mark didn’t want to sound to eager; maybe Gary would want to take it slow… Mark was already totally in love with him but what if Gary needed time? Or worse, what if he didn’t love him back?
“You should go.” Robbie said draining the last drops of his coffee. “If it was something serious why would Gaz have signed it ‘Gaz’, surely he would have used his ‘serious talk’ name… Grumpy Gary.” Robbie grinned.
Mark smiled weakly. Robbie always had a joke up his sleeve to lighten the conversation, it was one of the reasons Mark loved him so much, Gaz, Howard and Jason could all be so intense. Which wasn’t a bad thing but talking to Robbie was always so light and enjoyable.
“Jesus Christ.” Mark said. “I suppose your right, what else would he want to talk about?”
Robbie drummed his fingers on the table. “Um... new album? New lyrics? Perhaps he’s invested in some new mugs.”
A laugh forced its way out of Mark’s lips. He’d never forget the day they had all received a very formal email from Gaz, ordering them all around to his house. They had all fretted about it on the journey there, thinking Gary was seriously ill… or leaving the band. However when they’d all crashed through the door, panic in their eyes it was to find that Gaz had spent the day painting their names on mugs and he wanted to know what they thought. After hitting him a few times over the head for making them all so worried, they had indeed admitted that the mugs were very well done.
“Lets hope so.” Mark said. “Sorry I have to cut our coffee date short.”
Robbie held up a hand. “No worries Markie, I’ve got things to do and people to see… apparently I’m some kind of star now.”
Pocketing his phone Mark made to leave. Robbie stopped him.
“Mark… he does care about you, you know.” Robbie said, sincerity shining in his eyes.
It was rare that Robbie would talk so seriously but when he did it was always at the right time. Mark patted his arm.
“Thanks man.”
“You never know.” Robbie called after him. “Perhaps he’s waiting for you wearing nothing but a mug right now!”
A few heads turned in surprise and Mark flipped him the finger. Robbie grinned. He loved it really. He held up his hand to the surprised customers.
“Sorry guys and gals.”
The heads turned back, a few people muttering under their breath. Kate was behind the counter laughing, Robbie winked at her again. He loved a girl with a sense of humour. Turning the card with her number over in his hands he decided he definitely would ring her. Perhaps even later this evening. Which reminded him, he needed to call Howard and Jason, perhaps they would like to go out that night if they weren’t too busy.
***
Mark was already half the way to Gaz’s when it started to snow; thousands of tiny flakes began to fall on his windscreen. Already trees were starting to whiten and the grass was coated in a soft blanket. Mark slowed down his car, the last thing he needed was to go flying off the road. Mark hit his i-Pod play button and turned up the stereo. The first chords of ‘The Scientist’ filled the car. Mark smiled, how fitting.
Come up to meet you…
Tell you I need you,
You don’t know how lovely you are…
Mark wasn’t soppy by nature, he left that to Gaz, but something about this song made a hollow ache set in the top of his stomach. He drove past sign after sign advertising Valentines Day. He knew exactly what he’d get Gaz if they were together; he’d seen them in Waitrose. Big heart shaped mugs filled with chocolate, well that would be his silly present… for his serious present Mark would get him some pedals, if he could find any Gaz didn’t already have.
Nobody said it was easy…
No one ever said it would be this hard…
Oh, take me back to the start…
The road was strangely quiet, perhaps due to the snow. Mark enjoyed some peace sometimes. Being famous was such a whirlwind; sometimes he barely had time to eat. Jason was always on his case about eating more, Mark smiled again, he was only little after all. Food didn’t appeal so much to him like it did to Gaz. Gaz remembered places he’d been simply because of the food. The village in Germany that did the best doughnuts, the bakery in Spain that made baguettes to die for, the Chinese in London that Gaz had once said he’d happily trade in his own leg for some of their duck pancakes.
Questions of science,
Do not speak as loud as my heart…
Cutting through the dulcet tones of Chris Martin, Mark’s phone began to ring, hitting the loud speaker he said –
“Hello?”
“Markie!” Chloe’s voice chirped in his ear.
“Chlo.” Mark said smiling despite himself. “Whats up?”
Chloe was a good friend of Jason’s and now of Howard, she was often at their house helping with routines or having a glass of wine with them.
“Jay and I were wondering if you wanted to come over, Howard’s gone to see his daughters for a while.”
“I’d love to, but I’m just off to see Gary.”
Chloe paused on the other end of the phone. “Oh yeah.” She said, innuendo lining her words. “Business or pleasure?”
Marks fingers tingled and he was shocked to find that he blushed. Bloody hell, what on earth was wrong with him?
“I have no idea, I can only dream it’s the latter.”
“Yeah you bloody do as well, have I ever mentioned you talk in your sleep? Or do you always compare Gary’s eyes to freshly cut grass whilst you’re awake?” Chloe loved to tease Mark about his infatuation, she found it quite adorable.
“Very funny.” Mark said. “Look I’ll drop by later okay?”
“Sounds good, you’ll have to tell us all about your date with the Sex God then.”
“I have never called him that.” Mark laughed.
“Yeah not whilst your awake.” Chloe said. “Over and out Markie boy, see you later.”
The phone clicked. Mark shook his head, if there was one thing Chloe was not, it was reserved. Chris Martin filled the car once again.
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part…
By the time Mark pulled into Gary’s driveway the house and its gardens had been turned into a winter wonderland, Mark squinted his eyes to park his car and wrapping his coat around him he swung his door open. Dashing as fast as the slippery snow would allow him he knocked upon the heavy wooden door at the front.
Gary opened the door with a huge lopsided grin on his face and Mark’s shoulders sagged with relief, it couldn’t be bad news if he was smiling so much. That means Mark had definitely not sent the email he had started last night.
“Markie.” Gary drawled in his low voice.
Mark took in his appearance, he was wearing a suit but he’d discarded the jacket. His tie hung loose around his throat and his shirt was untucked in some places around his waist. Bloody hell, thought Mark, did he do this to him on purpose?
“Come in.” Gary said, stepping aside. “You’re getting snowed on.”
Mark stepped onto Gary’s front door mat and made his way into the hall, shaking off his coat as he did. It struck him that he hadn’t actually said anything to Gary yet.
“So whats up?” Mark said settling down at Gary’s kitchen table, two steaming mugs of tea sat in front of him.
Gary sat down opposite him. “Oh nothing major, I’ve written some lyrics and I wanted to see what you thought, it’s just a chorus really but have a look.” Gary handed Mark a piece of paper, it was heavily scribbled on but Mark could still work out the words.
Show me the way,
Help me to say, all that I want to,
All that I needed you gave me,
All that I wanted you made me,
When I stumbled, you saved me…
Mark fingered the paper lightly. It was beautiful. No surprises there then.
“Its good Gaz, really good.” He nodded his head appreciatively.
“Thank you.” Mark was rewarded with a smile as Gary took the paper back off him. “Its not finished yet, I need to work on the verses.”
Mark took a gulp of tea.
“Perhaps we should go out with Jay and Howard tonight, see what they think.” Gary pondered, taking a mouthful of tea as well.
“Chloe mentioned us all getting together, I think Rob wanted to tag along as well.”
“Oh yeah?” Gary grinned. “His bed empty for tonight was it?”
“I doubt it, I saw him eyeing up an attractive waitress just as I joined him for coffee.”
Gary shook his head laughing. “He is relentless.” Robbie had always had a way with women, it had astounded Gary that every time he saw him a different woman hung off the crook of his elbow. Taking another sip of his tea Gary eyed Mark from above the brim of his cup. Mark’s eyes met his but he looked away hastily. Gary sighed inwardly; perhaps Mark didn’t know what the sight of him in his short-sleeved t-shirt, despite the weather, did to Gary. He can’t know or surely he wouldn’t wear them all the time. Gary took another hasty gulp of tea, his mouth suddenly dry.
“You’ve got some snow on you.” Gary said reaching forward and brushing it off Mark’s shoulder. Mark cleared his throat, his heart hammering.
“Um thank you… yeah the um… weather is a nightmare out there.” He said nervously.
Gary took back his hand, the tips of his fingers tingling.
“I dunno, I like the snow.” Gary said smiling.
Mark placed his empty cup on the table; Gary’s eyes were still smiling at him. Mark figured they wouldn’t have long before they would have to go and meet the others… perhaps he should just tell him. Just right now, tell Gary how he felt… perhaps he would feel the same… or perhaps he would break Mark’s heart, but anything had to be better than not knowing right? You only live once. You can spend all your time in love with someone and never tell them, but you’ll never know how they feel about you, even if they break you atleast then you can move on. Mark cleared his throat again… this was it. He took a deep breath, here goes…
“Gary…” He started.
Then the doorbell rang.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)